Men Want Bigger Butts and They Cannot Lie

“For Men, a Gluteus More Maximus” proclaims the Style section of the New York Times this week in their latest brilliant trend piece about men wanting things that women usually want. Men: They get plastic surgery too, but this time, it’s with a Nicki Minaj-worthy twist!

The article (which is chock full of butt jokes) argues that the ass implant has become more mainstream, citing data that shows that it’s made a four percent jump in popularity in the past 15 years. For these men, an ass implant or injection is less a visual thing and more a quality of life decision. Take this anecdote from a man who works construction and who decided to get a butt implant:

“I’d wear jogging pants to work and the guys used to joke that, ‘You could drop a plumb bob from the back of your head and the string wouldn’t hit anything before it hit the ground,’ ” he said, referring to the weight on a string used for surveying.

Despite the explanation of what “a plumb bob” is, that visual is still…confusing.

The Times talked to two men who chose to get ass plastic surgery, one of their plastic surgeons, two underwear experts and the editor of Men’s Health magazine to source this story and prove that yes, the ass is back for men.

That doesn’t mean that men are copping to ass-interest. One of the dudes who got fat lipo-ed out of his unsavory parts and into his butt would not give his full name because he didn’t want his coworkers to know he’d been altered:

“My jeans are more comfortable and look better,” Michael said. “I feel more confident and synergistic.”

Unfortunately for the Times, however fantastic this is – headline and all – the best version of this story was done in 2002 by MTV. It was called True Life: I’m Plastic Surgery and it featured Luke, a young man who had decided to get calf implants because no amount of working out would make his calves bigger. After Luke had the surgery, he whined about how much it hurt and how he had to get up to answer the door when his pizza was delivered. Upon healing, Luke described himself as “the perfect package” for any woman and continued to wear body glitter out on the town. He has since moved into gay pornography and started going by Tony Cage, before eventually making an appearance on The Tyra Banks Show claiming he was happily married to a woman.