Melania Trump’s Absence Is the Least Noticeable Detail in the Trump Family Christmas Photo

Take a look at this year’s Trump family Christmas portrait, and it’ll probably take you a second or two to clock that former First Lady Melania Trump isn’t even in it. It’s just former President Trump, Donald Trump Jr., his wife Kimberly Guilfoyle, Barron, Ivanka, her husband Jared Kushner and their kids, Tiffany Trump, and her husband Michael Boulos—or, as some might call this rag-tag little group: the nightmare blunt rotation. Melania is nowhere in sight, ostensibly to care for her ailing mother.

I’m not one to question the veracity of a family health emergency (no matter how many lies this family gets caught in), though I will say Melania’s absence will hardly quell the ongoing theory that she hates Trump, as well as the slightly more out-there theory that she avoids public appearances via a body double. (If that theory is true, I’m guessing the body double probably wasn’t available for Christmas.) If there were videos of me swatting my husband’s hand away as he reached for mine, or reports that I refused to live with him until he offered me more money, I’d probably try to at least take a Christmas fit pic with him. But then again, we’re talking about Mrs. “I Really Don’t Care, Do U?” and “Who Gives A Fuck About Christmas?”

Nonetheless, if Melania was hoping her absence from the Trump family Christmas festivities wouldn’t draw too much attention, she’s lucked out by how strange this family portrait is. There are too many other aspects of it to ogle at. How is one supposed to notice anything but 17-year-old Barron Trump towering over his own father in the back of the photo? His massive height, with Trump landing at his shoulder, has prompted some to speculate that he “placed the angel on the tree without a step ladder.” I’m also struck by how much older and more regal and severe he now looks???

I’m further distracted by how no one in this photo seems to understand how to stand upright or what to do with their arms? And I’m equally distracted by my own questions about why Don Jr.’s ex-wife—the mother of his kids—isn’t in this photo. We know that she did attend the party, so I’d also like to know what her interactions with Guilfoyle might have been. Another passing observation: That’s a lot of leg for a family Christmas party, Kimberly…

So, fortunately enough for Melania, this family portrait raises plenty of questions on its own, making “Where is Melania???” just one of many. But, given that one of her 2024 resolutions is reportedly to take on more public appearances on the campaign trail and “leave her mark on history” (what, the #BeBest anti-cyberbullying campaign wasn’t enough???), she’s probably going to want to avoid missing future family photos. Or, at the very least, employ a couple of extra body doubles and offer overtime pay for working Christmas and similar holidays.