Megyn Kelly Today, Today: 'We're Talking About a Little Ackshawn'

Image via NBC.
Image via NBC.

Welcome to Megyn Kelly Today, Today, a new daily column in which we will share the most memorable things that happened on Megyn Kelly Today every morning until we are no longer able to watch Megyn Kelly Today without feeling like there will be no tomorrow.

  • While teasing today’s episode in voiceover, Megyn Kelly said, “Plus, true or false: could it be risky to share your partner’s toothbrush?”
  • Megyn Kelly came onstage in a white blouse and, like, slate suede pants.
  • Megyn Kelly showed a video I referenced in this morning’s Dirt Bag.
  • The audience groaned after Harvey Weinstein said, “We all make mistakes.”
  • Megyn Kelly talked about Ben Affleck grabbing Hillarie Burton.
  • Megyn Kelly said, “On a different note, there’s been insane weather,” and introduced Al Roker, who’s promoting his new book. (That makes three Today show anchors to come on the show and promote their books this week!!!!)
  • Al Roker wrote a children’s book about weather.
  • Megyn Kelly played the iconic footage of Al Roker being knocked down by the winds of Hurricane Wilma in 2005.
  • Megyn Kelly said, “In more pressing news, we have to talk about ghosts.”
  • Megyn Kelly said, “More than half of Americans think ghosts are real. What say you, sir?”
  • Al Roker said, “I don’t say they’re not real. I haven’t seen one, but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist.”
  • Bobby Finger mouthed, “What the fuck.”
  • Megyn Kelly asked, “What about superstitions, do you have any?” Megyn Kelly said she had some “because of her nana.”
  • Al Roker said he did not.
  • Megyn Kelly asked AL Roker what his favorite candy is.
  • Al Roker said, “York peppermint patty.”
  • The audience went nuts.
  • Megyn Kelly said she loves Laffy Taffy and called it “spectacular.”
  • Al Roker said, “They call these ‘fun-sized.’ There’s nothing fun about having to rip open three of them to get to a normal-sized bar!”
  • Al Roker pulled out an enormous Twix and said, “THIS is a fun size!”
  • Once again, the audience went nuts.
  • Bobby Finger thought, “Why doesn’t Al Roker have this hour?”
  • Bobby Finger thought, “Oh wait, he used to.”
  • Megyn Kelly told a story about walking around Rockefeller Center all day with the zipper of her dress undone.
  • Megyn Kelly teased the next segment by saying, “...She is juggling a whole new career—get it? Juggling a new career—Isla Fisher is next!”
  • We watched Isla Fisher juggle backstage.
  • Megyn Kelly welcomed Isla Fisher to the stage.
  • Isla Fisher said she created the character “Marge” while reading to her own child.
  • Isla Fisher said, “Marge is definitely, you know, wacky and funny!”
  • Megyn Kelly said, “Marge is naughtier than Mary Poppins.”
  • Megyn Kelly said, “Now, is it true that you actually went to professional clown school?”
  • Isla Fisher said that both she and her husband Sacha Baron Cohen actually went to professional clown school.
  • Isla Fisher revealed that her first audition for a comedy was for Wedding Crashers. (She got the part.)
  • Megyn Kelly introduced tape of Chasin Mizrahi, a young man whose panic attacks were explained by anxiety—even though he didn’t have “normal” symptoms of anxiety.
  • Chasin found out that his panic attacks were caused by a brain tumor, which he had removed.
  • Megyn Kelly welcomed Chasin and his mother to the stage. Chasin said his panic attacks have stopped.
  • Megyn Kelly referenced her “millions” of viewers watching this right now.
  • Chasin said he no longer goes to therapy.
  • The audience applauded, and Megyn Kelly said, “Coming up, we’ll be separating health myth from fact and we are gonna be putting the audience to the test.”
  • Megyn Kelly brought Dr. Holly Phillips to the stage to play a true/false game about common health myths.
  • Dr. Phillips said peeing on a jellyfish sting does nothing.
  • Dr. Phillips said, “Turns out, urine is so irritating...” and to use vinegar instead.
  • Dr. Phillips said it’s “risky” to share your partner’s toothbrush.
  • Megyn Kelly said, “Copy and roger.”
  • Dr. Phillips said, “The best time to get busy is first thing in the morning. Is that true of false?”
  • Megyn Kelly said, “Does that mean, like, action?” But she said action sort of like, uh, “ack-shawwwn”? “Ack-sheeaaehn”?
  • Dr. Phillips clarified “get busy” by saying, “We’re talking about intimacy.”
  • Megyn Kelly said, “Oh! We’re talking about a little ack-shawwwwn!”
  • Megyn Kelly asked, “The best time to do it for enjoyment or for what?”
  • Dr. Phillips said, “I mean...just for whyever [sic] one would do it.”
  • Megyn Kelly shrieked, “There’s a best time?”
  • Megyn Kelly held up “FALSE” and said, “I’m gonna say this because of this job.”
  • Dr. Phillips said it’s true that ack-shawwwwn is best in the morning because testosterone levels (in both men and women) are at their “highest in the morning.”
  • Megyn Kelly said, “So to speak!!!!”
  • Dr. Phillips fake laughed and dismissively said, “So to speak.”
  • Dr. Phillips said, “The bottom line is do it when you can do it.”
  • Megyn Kelly said, “Amen sister! What time is it?”
  • Bobby Finger laughed at the image of Megyn Kelly’s entire audience holding up “FALSE” signs.
Illustration for article titled Megyn Kelly Today, Today: 'We're Talking About a Little Ackshawn'
  • Dr. Phillips said not to use air dryers because they spray bacteria and viruses everywhere.
  • An audience member made the face seen at the top of this post.
  • Megyn Kelly thanked Dr. Phillips, who did not exactly seem pleased by the experience.
  • Megyn Kelly introduced a new segment called She Made It, “as in ‘she made it, and you can too.’”
  • Megyn Kelly played tape about a 29-year-old woman named Barbara Minuzzi who is a successful venture capitalist in Silicon Valley.
  • Barbara Minuzzi said, “I think being a venture capitalist is the best way to do philanthropy.”
  • Megyn Kelly welcomed Barbara Minizzi to the stage.
  • Megyn Kelly asked, “So what does that mean? ‘Don’t follow the rules’? What does that mean for us?”
  • Barbara Minuzzi said that not knowing/following the rules prevents you from feeling boxed in.
  • Barbara Minuzzi said she doesn’t feel the challenges of being in a male-dominated industry.
  • Megyn Kelly said, “You’re lucky.”
  • Megyn Kelly said, “You’re never as ready as you wanna be. A lot of things in life require risk taking.”
  • Megyn Kelly looked at the camera.
  • Bobby Finger felt like she was looking right at me. Into my soul.
  • Megyn Kelly saying, “You’re never as ready as you wanna be,” kept reverberating in my mind.
  • “You’re never as ready as you wanna be.”
  • “You’re never as ready as you wanna be.”
  • “You’re never as ready as you wanna be.”
  • “You’re never as ready as you wanna be.”
  • “You’re never as ready as you wanna be.”
  • Bobby Finger regained consciousness sometime during a commercial for Raymour & Flanagan.
  • Megyn Kelly said, “Let me ask you, studio audience, did you have a good time?”
  • The audience erupted in a choir of yeahs.
  • Megyn Kelly said, “Will you come back again?”
  • More yeahs.
  • Megyn Kelly said, “You can join them. If you would like to come be here in our studio audience, you can! You can get tickets at — M-e-g-y-n, becuase my mom has a sense of humor.”
  • Megyn Kelly introduced Hoda and Kathie Lee.
  • Hoda said, “Megyn I want your top.”
  • Kathie Lee said, “And I want your bottoms.”
  • Kathie Lee revealed she will be singing a song she wrote about her late husband Frank live during her show.
  • Megyn Kelly revealed she heard it a few weeks ago (“tears”), and said it was a “spiritual experience.”
  • Megyn Kelly Today ended.

Clip of the Day: Ackshawwwwwwwn

Staff Writer, Jezebel | Man

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