Meghan Markle Is a Mere Mortal Who Trips in High Heels

Lest you thought you’d be free of Meghan Markle news now that the royal wedding has come and gone, NOPE. Today, from across the pond: Markle wore stilettos to a wedding and she stumbled. It was a Big Deal:

According to the British tabloids, the newly-minted Duchess of Sussex was attending the wedding of one Celia McCorquodale, niece of Princess Diana and Prince Harry’s cousin, when she attempted to traverse grass in white stilettos. That is, of course, a futile effort, and though Markle is superior to most humans in many ways, even she cannot overcome the unfortunate coupling of sharp heel and soft dirt. The heel (likely) snagged, she tripped, and Prince Harry, gentleman that he is, held her upright.

Tabloids tend to report every single royal sniffle, and certainly, someone stumbling slightly at a wedding is neither news nor the worst thing anyone’s ever done at such an event, shod or otherwise. But I have noticed, in my non-professional study of the royal Princes and their paramours, that seemingly strong women like Kate Middleton and Markle go publicly silent once committed to royal life, reduced to heir-making machines and fashion cover fodder. This is a nice reminder that they are still human, and heels are still evil.

Plus, I once wore stilettos to my then-boss’s outdoor wedding and similarly stumbled on grass. Prince Harry was not there to catch me, and I later got very drunk and hid my shoes from myself somewhere inside the venue. I regret that I have but one life to live, and in it I will never be a royal.