'Meat Response' Is Either About the Pussy, or the Dick, or Maybe Both

Here’s yet another disgusting question, courtesy of a tweet, that has torn the Jezebel staff asunder, much like a dick might do if it’s acting right in and near a pussy. The tweet raises a very important question, posed to anyone who identifies as a man: What makes pussy “good”?

The answer to this innocent query that caused the debate in question came in the form of the following response, which includes a phrase that many of us find confusing.

Grip, smell, taste, and “fluidity” make sense logically, though an anonymous source I consulted made a fair point to me that “good” pussy depends on not just the qualities of the pussy in question, but also the preferences of the person interested in the pussy itself, e.g. good pussy to one man might be shitty pussy to another. Setting that aside for now, I’d like to turn to “meat response,” which caused much confusion. Everything else on this list makes sense. But what of the meat? Is the meat the dick, is it the pussy, or is it both?

Unable to find suitable answers within the staff, I turned to staff husband Ruben Ureña, who responded to his wife, Shannon Melero-Ureña in a text message, even though they were sitting in the same room. “My best guess is how one responds to the insertion of the meat,” he wrote. “Whether it be a flinch, a sexy moan, or a rolling of the eyes. I’m guessing all [that] factors into the greatness of the vagina.” Ten points to Team Dick Is Meat, and an additional ten points to this team, for the phrase “beat your meat” refers to a man masturbating. However, some strong arguments for Team It’s the Pussy were made, as well.

“Honestly, my best guess is that its referring to a vaginal orgasm,” Esther Wang said. “RESPONSE to the MEAT. Please let the official record show that I noted the vag is referred to as ‘meat curtains’ or alternately, ‘meat flaps.’” Touché.

A source also informed me that the word “meat” would only be used to describe a dick if all the other words for dick were unavailable. Another man, Rich Juzwiak, simply said “no” when asked if “meat” is ever a euphemism for “dick.” Team It’s the Pussy is prevailing, but something that I hadn’t considered that I feel worthy of mention comes courtesy of Juzwiak: “Meat response is the glide,” he said, which, I’m sorry to say, is different from the grip. “Grip” refers to the pussy, well, gripping the dick. Glide, a heretofore-unconsidered criteria that I feel is related to “fluidity” has a little more to do with the meat (pussy) response.

“Democracy dies in darkness,” Hazel Cills told me. “We need to look very closely. We need to examine all the materials before we jump to baseless conclusions about what meat does or does not mean.” No disrespect to Cills but I think the answer is clear: It’s not not the dick, but it’s most likely the pussy.