Maybe This Explains Why It Took Vanessa Trump So Long? America Needs to Know.

By Whitney Kimball  |  April 8, 2018 | 4:20pm
CelebritiesDirt Bag

Correlation is not causation, but Page Six is reading between the lines in this report that Donald Trump Jr.’s long-suffering wife Vanessa filed for divorce after her family received a large sum of money from her late father’s investments. Nobody’s asking why she would file a divorce, but instead how in God’s name she endured a guy who looks like he keeps getting whole gumballs stuck in his throat because nobody’s the boss of him. A man who allegedly announced he was leaving her for Aubrey O’Day seven years ago while Vanessa was pregnant. A man who told Adam Carolla, “Can you believe the hell I’m going through? I’m at the Playboy mansion with a pregnant wife!” Whatever, everybody totally gets it! Congratulations, Vanessa!

It was also revealed yesterday that he and his wan, shadowy brother just blew a minimum of $73,000 in taxpayer dollars on a wedding trip to Dubai which had no relation to government business whatsoever, according to CBS News. I hope the airplane wifi was BAD because I’m THAT spiteful.

Zayn Malik has ended America’s harrowing 24 hours after deleting all of his Instagrams by returning with a thrilling documentary:

The components make no more sense in video than they do as a list:

  • a suitcase
  • three(?) women or one woman in three wigs
  • a beachside condo
  • red velvet upholstery
  • Zayne thinking; Zayne confused; Zayne horny
  • large men with guns
  • Zayne again, different hair color
  • ALL CAPS red font promising POWER, GREED, VENGEANCE, SEDUCTION, PASSION, LOYALTY, MONEY, LOVE, and REVENGE
  • commenter: “zaaayn”

He’s produced some music with this? It “begins” April 12th.