Maya Rudolph and her partner, director Paul Thomas Anderson, confirmed today that the SNL alumna/star of Bridesmaids gave birth to a baby boy earlier this month. And what did these two quirky characters name their progeny? Something kooky, like Astronaut Express or Sinatra Sudan or Beezlebub von Schtupp? Nope.
They named the kid Jack. Just Jack. Not even Jack Attack or Jaque or Chack. Jack. Jack is the pair's third child.
This got me thinking- if you're a child who is being born right about now to non-famous comedians, good fucking luck trying to break into comedy. Will Arnett and Amy Poehler have two teeny ones running around right now. Tina Fey is pregnant with her second child. Maya Rudolph has three mini-Mayas ready to raise comedic Cain. The underrated but hilarious Christina Applegate just had a baby. And there, between those four hysterically funny women, you have the cast of SNL in 2024, provided the show hasn't been cancelled by then and replaced with a CGI Seth Meyers who sits behind a virtual desk, spitting out out poop and gay jokes generated by an algorithm. [OMG]
Retired wizard Daniel Radcliffe continued to charm the underpants off of the whole internet by admitting to Jon Stewart that when he met Amy Poehler, he got flustered and acted like a starstruck fan. Daniel Radcliffe always seems so likable and cool in interviews that it's almost fishy. I'm giving him a hard side-eye right now. Quit seeming like such a cool kid, Potter. Ten points from Gryffindor. [Digital Spy]
Reports are now surfacing that Marc Anthony's suffocating jealousy over Jennifer Lopez's overwhelming sexiness and the way she dressed may have contributed to the breakup of Jarciffer Lanthonez, which is the celebrity couple name that I just made up for them. [Digital Spy]
Jane Lynch says she knew she was gay at age 12. Every time I read a quote by Jane Lynch, I hear it in my head as read by Jane Lynch in character as Sue Sylvester. [Vogue]
Matt Damon does not envy the lives of his pals Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, calling them "prisoners." If Jason Bourne can't save them, no one can. [X17]
And speaking of the perpetual rumor motion machine that is the Aniston-Pitt-Jolie love triangle, a new book claims Brad Pitt totally fell for Angelina Jolie while he was still married to Jennifer Aniston, but I'm pretty sure all magazines have been claiming some variant of this for the last 6 years or so. I'm no longer on Team Aniston or Team Jolie. I'm on Team Some Other Celebrity Please Do Something Crazy So We Can Talk About Something Else. [news.com.au]
Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo have finally revealed their wedding rings to the world. Pictures at the link. Spoiler alert: they kind of look like most other wedding/engagement rings, except they're bigger and more expensive. Crystallized in the very center of each diamond is a genuine drop of sweat from one of the African children who dug it up, and etched in microscopic print on the inside of the bands is the history of how DeBeers has artificially driven up the price of diamonds for nearly a century. They're very special rings. [People]
Things Jessica Simpson is: pretty. Kind of sweet seeming. Things Jessica Simpson is not: pregnant. Relevant since 2001. [Radar]
That George Clooney is quite the jokester. He even played a trick on your boyfriend Ryan Gosling. Says Gosling,
He will come up to you and tell you something very serious, and then you walk away and you realize your pants are wet. He's had like an Evian spray bottle. He's been spraying your crotch the whole time.
I'm guessing we're supposed to assume that the quote started with "Hey, girl." [ExtraTV]
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition will host its most famous guest yet- First Lady Michelle Obama. Republicans are queued up to criticize the move, saying that she condones handouts to our nation's families of disabled cancer stricken firefighter widows, and that's socialism. [TMZ]
Warning: do not look at these pictures of Tom Hardy all hot and tatted up and shirtless unless you've got some Plan B handy or you live walking distance from a pharmacy that will distribute it. Because you might become spontaneously pregnant. [Just Jared]
David Letterman and Harrison Ford rode horses together in Manhattan. I wish so hard that, in the grand tradition of turning 80's toys into movies, this was a scene from the upcoming Michael Bay-directed My Little Pony movie. In my just-cooked-up My Little Pony-as-action-film fantasy, Dave is seen here riding Lickity Split and Harrison is on the Mayor of Ponyville. [BuzzFeed]
Kristen Schaal just now, like right this second, realized that she once went on a date with Andrew Garfield, star of the new Spider-man film. [ONTD]
DMX has been released from prison in Arizona. I like to imagine that as he left prison, Eve was standing there waiting for him, boom box hoisted over her head. On it, "Ruff Ryders' Anthem" playing over and over and over. [Yahoo]
Did you hear about how wild, crazy, carefree, and fun Ashton Kutcher is?! Because he is! His latest zany stunt involves him going nude for new Two and a Half Men promos. "All will be revealed!" the ad brags as three characters, one of whom is clearly underage (the half man). The other two men behind the obscuring square are probably not atop the "strange men upon whose wangs my gaze wishes to rest" list of most people. So, tune in to Two and a Half Men this fall and see some unnecessary, illegal, and unwanted nudity. Genius marketing. Simply genius. [Just Jared]
Vanessa Hudgens says cutting off her hair was really hard. I don't know about that, Vanessa. My little sister cut her hair off when she was like four, and it seemed pretty easy. [Digital Spy]
Trey Songz has been cast in Texas Chainsaw Massacre: 3D. This film just reeks of Oscar! And by Oscar, I mean Oscar Meyer wieners. Rotten ones that I forgot I had in my fridge until the kitchen was uninhabitable. [Hollywood Reporter]
Image via AP