Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
We may earn a commission from links on this page.
Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

May Today Bring You As Much Joy As This New iPad Brought Britney Spears

"This is just a groundbreaking day," she says in a new Instagram video. "I feel like my life is changing as we speak!"

We may earn a commission from links on this page.
Image for article titled May Today Bring You As Much Joy As This New iPad Brought Britney Spears
Screenshot: Instagram

Good morning, dear reader. How are you?

Monstrously unsettled?

That makes sense.

Still, I hope that you might be able to tackle the deep-set existential dread buried deep within that hollowed-out husk you call a body today with all the vim and vigor that Britney Spears exudes while talking about the new iPad she just got in the mail.

As the entertainer explains in a new Instagram video, posted Thursday, this iPad she just bought is her very first iPad ever. Her kids have had iPads before, but she, the legendary Miss Spears, never has, hence the unbridled excitement:

OK, guys. Great news! I got my first iPad today! Sorry about my hair, I’ve been in the yard—I’ve been working. But I came into the kitchen, I saw something I ordered, and it is a freaking new iPad! I am so excited! My kids have owned one, but I’ve never owned one! This is just a groundbreaking day! I’ve always had a little phone, but now this iPad is in my hands and I feel like my life is changing as we speak! I am so excited! Upward bound! Yes!

Advertisement

The clip then cuts from Spears’s face to her lower torso and legs as she shows off some brand-new hot-pink pumps that she says she also recently purchased. “Could I do this if I were drunk?” she asks while doing some fancy footwork, recreating the scene from Bridesmaids in which Kristen Wiig does the same.

Advertisement

Anyway, I hope this gives you some much-needed enthusiastic inspiration to take on the day—or “enthusianspo,” as no one calls it. Should they call it that? Probably not. Will they call it that? Almost certainly not. Will I leave it in this post? Sure. Why not. I’ll do anything just to feel something. Upward bound! Yes!