Matt Damon Has Weighed in On Bennifer Lopez: ‘I’m So Glad’

Well, well, well, WELL, well: finally, Matt Damon has broken his silence on his Boston friend’s little entanglement, which by my calculation, means that their love is now officially recognized by all required parties. Can you believe it took this long for Mr. I Lived in Ireland During the Pandemic Ha Ha to say what he had to say?

I do hope it was worth the wait. Here’s Matt Damon, former/current (?) friend and confidant to Mr. Bennifer Lopez himself: “I’m just so happy for him. He’s the best… He deserves every happiness in the world. I’m glad for both of them.”

This tepid acknowledgement was delivered during Damon’s press tour for his new movie, Stillwater, which I think is about oil rigs, France, and murder—just the thing for a hot summer afternoon when there’s nothing else to do, I guess. That attitude—a hot summer’s day, nothing else going on—is sort of what Damon is embodying in his statement? “I’m glad for both of them” is what you say to your cousin on their third engagement in two years, or upon hearing the news that your mortal enemy got a job that you wanted. It’s what you say when you have nothing nice to say, or when you don’t think what is happening is nice, but you’re being asked by a reporter with shiny hair and you have to say something, so you say this. It’s the “it’s fine” of answers. It’ll do!

There’s no reason to expect Matt Damon to have anything substantial to say about his Academy Award buddy getting back into a relationship that was probably revelatory to the two people in it and highly amusing, then confounding, then irritating to everyone else. But maybe they still text sometimes, or meet in secret at Dunkin’ off the beaten path, and Damon, who wants his little friend to find happiness, urges him to find it however he sees fit, even if it is reinvigorating a love with that famous lady that blew up the last time around. [Page Six]

• Please watch this little clip of some happy Alaskans exploding in joy and glee after Lydia Jacoby won the gold in the 100-meter breaststroke at the Olympics. [Huffington Post]
• America’s worst couple got married, and now Gwen Stefani and her cheated-with-the-nanny-but-still-hot ex-husband Gavin Rossdale are attending their children’s sporting events and avoiding each other. [Hollywood Life]
• Alert, if it matters, Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis only bathe their children (with soap) if there is visible dirt on their bodies. Mila Kunis on this matter: “I didn’t have hot water growing up as a child, so I didn’t shower much anyway.” Sounds good! [People]
• HellOOOOOooooo, Sammi Sweetheart is single again. [People]
• Who is out here talking shit about Zoe Kravitz’s appearance? [E! News]