Matt Damon delivered a pretty spot-on sendup last night of the shitshow we witnessed on Thursday when a 53-year-old bro was faced with the possibility that he might not get the lifetime appointment for one of the highest and most coveted offices in the land which he deserves because he (in Damon’s words) “WORKED HIS BUTT OFF” to get here–likely referencing Kavanaugh’s list of high school extracurriculars, weight-lifting sessions, attendance at elite private schools, skills with calendars, and adulthood employment which Kavanaugh brought up umpteen times as testament to his character fitness for becoming a Supreme Court justice. The rage begins as soon as he takes a seat and exclaims: “WHAT!”
“I’m gonna start at an 11, and Im’ma take it to about a 15 real quick!” he shouts.
Damon portrays a water-swigging screaming gasbag who evades questions with beer references and namechecks his dudes “PJ, Tobin, and Squee” and defends his coolness and repeatedly waves around his teen calendar as proof that he did not assault a woman in high school and yells at the Senate Judiciary Committee he’s “not backing down, you sons of bitches!” because “I don’t know the meaning of the word ‘stop.’” Of course the joke isn’t that he’s less capable of making fair and impartial decisions than numerous non-outwardly partisan alternatives like Merrick Garland, whom Kavanaugh himself once praised as “supremely qualified” to serve on the Supreme Court and who was popular with Republicans until he became an Obama nominee, and then Republican senators pissed on the idea of even considering him for reason other than spite and bile. It’s that this the path God and Republicans have ordained for Brett Kavanaugh, and sexual assault allegations are getting in the way of destiny!!
Another highlight is Republican Orrin Hatch, played by Beck Bennett, saying “If you’ll excuse me, I’d like to hide behind the female prosecutor who we hire as a human shield,” to which sex crimes prosecutor Rachel Mitchell, played by Aidy Bryant, replies “although everyone will constantly be referring to me as ‘female prosecutor,’ you can really just straight-up call me ‘prosecutor.’”