Martha Stewart Provides Lovely Cum Rags to Bieber Roast Friends

By Jia Tolentino | April 8, 2015 | 3:10pm

Latest

Even Martha’s filthy jokes come with a gift basket. Goddamn.

Contact the author at [email protected].

Most Popular

More from Jezebel

Join the discussion...

According to 'Terrifier' Actress' Lawsuit, the Real Horrors Happened Offscreen By Audra Heinrichs October 29, 2025 | 7:21pm
'Jennifer's Body' Was Also Cathartic for Megan Fox By Audra Heinrichs October 28, 2025 | 3:54pm
Two More Banks Have Been Implicated in Jeffrey Epstein's Crimes By Audra Heinrichs October 27, 2025 | 4:40pm
Bari Weiss Got Herself Some 'Beefy' Bodyguards By Audra Heinrichs October 23, 2025 | 5:51pm
Which Piece of Stolen Louvre Jewelry Are You, Based on Your Zodiac Sign By Lauren Tousignant October 23, 2025 | 11:26am
County Coroner Who Hoarded 'Rotting Corpses' Ruins Halloween for His Community By Lauren Tousignant October 21, 2025 | 5:39pm
CBS Staffers 'Won't Be Punished' for Not Responding to Bari Weiss By Audra Heinrichs October 14, 2025 | 5:47pm
Kristi Noem Is Trying to Use Airports to Spread Propaganda By Danielle Han October 14, 2025 | 4:15pm
Woman Who Became Household Name for Holding Feet to the Fire Can't Handle Heat on Her Own By Audra Heinrichs October 9, 2025 | 4:27pm
Take Jezebel's 2025 Reader Survey By Lauren Tousignant October 7, 2025 | 8:00am
Weekly Reader: Stories from Across Paste Media By Lauren Tousignant October 3, 2025 | 8:03pm
Oh Nothing, Just the President Posting AI Videos About QAnon Conspiracy Theories By Danielle Han September 29, 2025 | 11:58am
Trump Admin Makes Yet Another Anti-Women, Anti-Science Move By Danielle Han September 26, 2025 | 12:19pm
Elon Musk's Dad Accused of Sexually Abusing Multiple Children and Stepchildren By Audra Heinrichs September 24, 2025 | 4:25pm
After a New Round of Epstein Files, Republicans Are Still Crying Hoax By Audra Heinrichs September 9, 2025 | 3:40pm
South Korean Women Sue U.S. Military for Decades-Long Role in Sex Trade By Danielle Han September 9, 2025 | 10:24am
Team USA Just Shook Up the Women’s Rugby World Cup By Alyssa Mercante September 3, 2025 | 12:23pm
Florida Removed the Pulse Memorial Rainbow Crosswalk Under the Guise of 'Safety' By Audra Heinrichs August 23, 2025 | 10:04am
JD Vance Had a Busy Week Getting Booed at Shake Shack & Doing Putin Propaganda By Audra Heinrichs August 21, 2025 | 4:53pm
Fooled Us All, Our Flannel Queen By Audra Heinrichs August 20, 2025 | 5:15pm
Israel Continues to Justify Killing Journalists By Claiming They're Hamas Terrorists By Audra Heinrichs August 11, 2025 | 6:32pm
ICE Is Working Hard to Get More of the Worst Americans to Join Its Ranks By Audra Heinrichs August 8, 2025 | 11:22am
Stop Betting on Dildos Being Thrown at WNBA Games, You Fucking Creeps By Alyssa Mercante August 7, 2025 | 4:04pm
Cool! Diddy Still Doesn't Think He Did Anything Wrong By Audra Heinrichs July 31, 2025 | 3:29pm
Another Boat Carrying Life-Saving Aid for Starving Palestinians Was Intercepted by Israel By Audra Heinrichs July 28, 2025 | 3:40pm
AFP Says Its Journalists in Gaza Are Starving to Death By Nora Biette-Timmons July 22, 2025 | 2:47pm
How Swedish Soccer Fans Are Changing the Face of Hooliganism By Danielle Han July 15, 2025 | 7:51pm
American Horror Story: Butthurt Foreigner Wants New Party After Bad Bill, Botched Epstein Claims By Audra Heinrichs July 8, 2025 | 4:18pm
Caitlin Clark Exposes the WNBA’s Officiating Problems...Again By Alyssa Mercante June 18, 2025 | 5:24pm
Karen Read Found Not Guilty in Nail-Biting Verdict By Audra Heinrichs June 18, 2025 | 4:26pm
Targeted Violence Disrupted 'No Kings' Rallies in Virginia, Texas, Utah, and More By Audra Heinrichs June 16, 2025 | 3:51pm
Justin Baldoni Threatens to Refile His Countersuit After a Judge Threw It Out By Audra Heinrichs June 10, 2025 | 11:53am
Key Trump Court Nominees Claimed Abortion Pills 'Starve Babies to Death' By Kylie Cheung May 29, 2025 | 12:08pm
Ms. Rachel Says World Leaders Should 'Be Ashamed' of Silence on Genocide, 'Anti-Palestinian Racism' By Kylie Cheung May 28, 2025 | 11:01am
Texas Came Way Too Close to Passing Bill Making It Harder to Challenge Anti-Abortion Laws in Court By Kylie Cheung May 27, 2025 | 11:55am
Kristi Noem Is Blocking International Students from Harvard, Accuses School of Being ‘Chinese Communist Party’ By Kylie Cheung May 23, 2025 | 1:15pm
Nancy Mace Stays Up ‘All Night’ Programming Bots on Social Media, Ex-Aide Alleges By Kylie Cheung May 22, 2025 | 3:02pm
Hmm! Let's See How Many Ways Knicks Fans Can Compare Wednesday Night's Game to 9/11 By Kylie Cheung May 22, 2025 | 1:28pm
Rep. Gerry Connolly Dies at 75, the 3rd House Democrat to Die in Office in 3 Months By Kylie Cheung May 21, 2025 | 2:37pm
Nancy Mace Maintains Rape, Exploitation Allegations While Sharing Nude Photo of Herself By Kylie Cheung May 21, 2025 | 12:58pm