Photo: AP

Martha Stewart is auctioning off a signed toboggan! And an amber glass chandelier! All from her fake TV home.

Stewart announced via Twitter on Wednesday that she would be auctioning off 5,0o0 pieces from her personal prop collection in May. A portion of the proceeds will go to the Martha Stewart Center for Living at Mount Sinai.

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The 800 items that comprise the absentee portion of the auction are already up on Kaminksi Auctions’ website and someone has already bid on a “group of iron platters.” A stunning TWO individuals have bid on “group of assorted tin pails.” A lovely grouping of “cranberry tumblers” has quite rightfully fetched three bids (yes, I’m going to get to shit about Kanye soon ugh). No one has bid on the “autographed Martha Stewart cutting board”; it could be yours for a minimum of $100!!

If I were about to become a celebrity judge on Chopped I too would begin auctioning off my possessions, for what more should I ever need from life?

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From fake homes to…what I can only imagine is also a fake home. Apparently $60 million can buy you a poorly-lighted suite of skeleton doctor’s office waiting rooms. This is in poor taste and gross, KRIS.

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AHEM

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