Mark Halperin Is Getting a 'Second Chance' Much Sooner Than Expected

Illustration for article titled Mark Halperin Is Getting a 'Second Chance' Much Sooner Than Expected
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Three months ago, I wrote about best-selling author and alleged piece of shit Mark Halperin’s plan to slither his way back to fame and paying gigs by getting pals like Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski to vouch for him while simultaneously avoiding acknowledging the fact that he is accused, among other things, of rubbing his erect penis against a colleague’s leg.


Here is my May prediction:

“Look for Halperin’s next best-seller in a bookstore near you in about two years or wait for the HBO series that will begin production as soon as executives have decided enough time has elapsed to plausibly explain that men who say they are sorry deserve second chances.”

Reader, I was naive and optimistic to believe it would take so long. The book will be out in November.

The Daily Beast reports Regan Arts is set to publish How to Beat Trump: America’s Top Political Strategists on What It Will Take, a tome featuring interviews with Democratic strategists such as Donna Brazile, James Carville, Jennifer Granholm, and Kathleen Sebelius.

Publisher Judith Regan’s decision to pay money for the right to publish a book by a disgraced former best-seller accused of being an utter nightmare to women obviously comes from a place of principle—unwavering belief in the power of forgiveness—according to a statement she plans to release with the book:

“I do not in any way, shape, or form condone any harm done by one human being to another. I have also lived long enough to believe in the power of forgiveness, second chances, and offering a human being a path to redemption. HOW TO BEAT TRUMP is an important, thoughtful book, and I hope everyone has a chance to read it.”


You know, what, let’s just take that disclaimer, make the book title fill in the blank, and affix it to 90 percent of the books in the white dude section of Barnes and Noble. There. Now they are all about redemption and not the fact that slapping a white penis on a publisher’s desk is pretty much carte blanche to get paid to publish any words you want in any order you want them.


Pumpkin Andy is Orange

Our country is terrible right now. The racism, the meanness and foolishness of our government, the caging of children, all the mass shootings. Plus it’s August and we’re all melting. Not to mention the climate. Epstein. Weinstein. Endangered species. It’s awful out there and this news fits right in. I'm taking the trash out and then I'm am locking myself in my apartment for the rest of today.