Marco Rubio to Announce Run For Rand Paul Thunder Stealer-In-Chief

Here are some announcements I’d rather Marco Rubio make besides “I’m running for President.”

• “I love my curves and I’m not ashamed.”
  
• Taking his talents back to South Beach. (Quitting government, opening cool bar.)
• He’s a werewolf.
• Kickstarter campaign for an app that tells you how much it really costs to fly “discount” airlines by tallying baggage and seat upgrade fees in price quotes.
• Going away forever.

Only 581 days until Election Day!