Man Gets Sent to Jail Because His Girlfriend Was Too Loud During Sex

An amorous man in a foreign land has been jailed over what a pitchfork-wielding* mob of a dozen neighbors call sex so loud that it’s a public nuisance. The man claims he’s being unfairly persecuted for being too good at sex. Guess which European country. Just guess.

Sweden! Kidding! Ha. That’s funny because Swedes are notoriously not super into demonstrative displays of affection (a paper published a few years ago examined the phenomenon of parents in Sweden feeling guilty for not loving their children enough. No. It’s not Sweden.)

It was actually Italy. This happened in Italy. This story could only be more Italian if the jailed loud sex having man were a member of an out-of-favor political party. Or if this sexual congress literally happened of a breadstick loudly fucking a bowl of pasta.

According to the New York Daily News, the 42-year-old man in Vigodarzere, Padua was found guilty of “stalking” (a strange charge when really all he did was “nail his girlfriend, who yelled about it real loud”) and sentenced to 6 months in jail. He claims he’s being persecuted for being a really good lover, and is appealing the sentence. His neighbors are like, no dude just tell your girlfriend to stop howling like a banshee every time your penis does things to her.

EETALY!

*neighbors did not actually have pitchforks but it’s funnier if you imagine them storming Fuckenstein’s castle like an angry medieval mob.