Make Your Cousin's Day By Telling Him JNCO Jeans Are Back

In February, Jezebel’s own Julianne Escobedo Shepherd predicted that we would all be wearing a specific style of wide-legged soft denim pants in 2016. Give her one million points because she was right—with one caveat.


We aren’t going to be wearing the high-fashion Marques Almeida pants Rihanna wore in the article, we are going to wear their hideous emo sister: the JNCO jean.

A number of the brand’s most beloved “heritage” designs are now available on preorder. For just under $70, you can get the Kangaroo, Bulldog, Gorilla, and Mammoth cuts, all available with 32 inch leg openings; for under $60, the Blue J Twin Cannon and Crown Twin Cannon with a more sensible 26 inch leg opening can be yours. Even more casual skaters can opt for JNCO SHORTS that fall perfectly below the kneecap.


Not ready to go full ‘90s burnout? Opt for a JNCO novelty holiday sweater covered in both argyle and marijuana leaves.

In JNCOs new designs, you’ll have everyone saying, “Excuse me, sir, are you lost?”

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18 years ago, I put on a pair of JNCO jeans and a Smashing Pumpkins t-shirt and went to a punk show at my (rural CT) town’s local teen center. There I saw a boy, told him I was going to flirt with him and did for the rest of the night... and then, on and off (and mostly online) for the next decade or so before we began dating in 2004. We celebrated 8 years of marriage last month.

The moral of this story is: JNCO jeans will land you a husband, ladies. Obviously. Wear them. You won’t just be putting on a delightful 90s throwback. You will be putting on your destiny.