Lunatic Christian Fringe Contemplates Merits Of "Gentle" Wife-Beating

By Jessica Coen | April 22, 2010 | 10:20pm

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I’m not really into passing judgment on one’s religious beliefs, or the organizations related to said beliefs. But then there’s ChristWire.org, where scary thoughts come out to play. And nobody knows if it’s for real or not.

I only know of ChristWire’s existence because a reader sent a tip about an article regarding vajazzling, and how it’s a sinful “threat” to otherwise God-loving college-aged sons. This struck me as so ridiculous that I began poking around to see if it was actually a parody site. It’s not. It’s a real web destination with golden wisdom, like howChinese people are terrifying, Glee is secretly unpatriotic, certain gay animals need to be killed, Betty White is a destroyer of family values…the list is endless. Fun stuff, though not necessarily worth mentioning, especially since whether or not the site is a satire has been up for debate.

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But because nobody seems totally certain whether or not the site is real, this seemed kind of fucked up:

Great question, huh? Couched in Bible-driven justification, the presentation (ie, a “real think piece”) is batshit enough, regardless of whether it’s satire (though the “gently” really gives it that extra sprinkling of charm). The writer, Chuck Reagan — whose profile says he’s “bringing back morality one kneecap at a time” — explains what this delicate discipline is all about:

Wives do need gentle ‘prodings’ when they step out of line, much like children. Much as you would swiftly rap a child’s hand should he try to stick a fork in an electrical outlet, the same one may need to do to a wife’s cheek should she challenge authority in a damaging way. “NO,” you should tell her should she do something that is harmful to her or the family, but she may be too fickle or naive to immediately see.

Seriously, this is a joke? I can’t tell. If so, it’s certainly well-executed — Reagan backs himself up with some fun interpretations of Corinthians and all that. But it’s not quite as absurdist enough to be an obvious satire, like the Onion — maybe because we worry that these people really do exist, and not without good reason. Of course, this is the site’s third article written on this subject; the writer felt the need to continually follow up on the topic, he says, because “some ‘concerned’ readers” have spoken out. (Love the use of scare quotes around “concerned” — again, if this is fake, it’s thorough.) From an earlier musing:

A woman may only leave her husband if he cheats on her or abandons her, and anything else is subject to scrutiny; this includes giving your wife a loving tap on the cheek when she gets out of line. […] You just give them…a little Godly tap on the cheek. A reminder of who is in charge and that your wrath can be great, but for your loved one you show warning in your mercy.

But is there really any point in a merciful warning? Why not just cut to the chase and stone the bitch to death? I mean, if your wife is troublesome enough to merit the first gentle beating, she’s likely to continue her wicked mischief. Might as well start stockpiling rocks.

Oh, and there’s this, for emphasis:

Again, whether or not the site is a joke has yet to be determined — some say it’s a total satire, albeit an unfunny one. On the other hand, it’s been going strong and publishing content for awhile now while remaining a bit under-the-radar, leading one to believe that it might be more than some Onion-esque parody. God forbid.

Poll: Is It Okay for a Christian Husband to Gently Beat His Wife [ChristWire]