Because How Does My Ass Look IPA and Conspicuous Consumption Please-Don’t-Call-Me-Stout were taken, Lululemon’s new, overdue, highly anticipated entry into the craft beer market is called “Curiosity Lager.” According to the New York Post, it’s made with “made with chinook and lemon drop hops for a ‘crisp, cold beer.’” Well, it’s good to know that it’ll be cold.
The limited edition beer — only 88,000 cans will be produced — will be served at the 2015 SeaWheeze Sunset Festival and Half Marathon in August in Vancouver and line liquor store shelves across Canada later this month.
“Any cool plans this weekend?” you ask, spraying down that sweaty mat at the end of class.
My eyes light up. “Only the MOTHERFUCKIN SEAWHEEZE SUNSET FESTIVAL AND HALF MARATHON, BITCH,” I say, pretending like we’re girlfriends but actually inspiring an envy so bright that the rock on your ring finger dims for a brief and terrifying moment. That’s right; I’m going to SeaWheeze and I’m going to drink 88,000 Curiosity Lagers, so you can suck on that with your goddamn unassisted handstand, Alyssa.
Because it’s Lululemon, there’s obviously a totem pole on the beer can—see it, above?—and a few of those dang “Excuse me... it’s cultural appropriation” people are squawk-squawk-squawkin’ on the company’s Instagram in protest. One user writes:
Not okay! Did you even consider collaborating with a local Indigenous artist before you created a caricature of such a sacred and meaningful thing as a totem? Did you know that the totems in Xway-Xway park were brought from Haida Gwaii - and are different from the kinds of carvings Coast Salish people engaged in?
Well, again, it’s Lululemon, and although the real “totem” for its target audience is probably either the aforementioned engagement ring, unassisted handstand, or a tote bag that says YES WAY ROSÉ, I’m going to guess the answer is no, they didn’t think about it. See you at SeaWheeze, my friends, I’ll be the one curiously bonging several thousand beers.
Contact the author at email@example.com.
Image via Instagram