Lucky's "Month Of Outfits" Breaks The Bank

Not only is “A Month Of Outfits” in the May issue of Lucky for the skinny who live in warm climates, it’s for the very rich.

Of course the feature is supposed to be inspirational. Or aspirational. But while some of the outfits are lovely, others are ridiculous. This “Uptown Classic” is fine. Nice, even.

What temperature is it that both “Undone Ladylike” and “Breezy Seductive” are appropriate? Also, the only place to go wearing that “Breezy Seductive” getup is to bed. In other news, the “’80s Minimalist” pants flatter no one, which is why we left them in the ’80s.

You’d better love your arms and thighs if you want to rock that “Comfortably Cute” ensemble. The horizontal stripes on “Sleek Yet Slouchy” ruin it, in my opinion, and you basically have to be a model to get away with a belted tiered skirt (“Chicly Countrified”). Also, “Feminine And Fresh” has that not-so-fresh feeling. We’ve seen a navy skirt with a white tee before.

I can tell you right now that the blousy top and wide pants of “Neatly Offhand” will make me look even bigger than I already am. “Tomboyish Safari” is a joke, right? “Urbane Nautical” is pretty, though.

No and no.

And here we have “The Closet.” The “38 Items You’ll Want Right Now.” Let’s add it up, shall we?

pencil skirt: $750
tube skirt: $49
mini skirt: $200
boyfriend blazer: $270
cropped jacket: $198
tie jacket: $178
maxi skirt: $99
skinny belt: $25
asymmetrical dress: $365
sheath: $187
belt: $64
chain: $370
ring: $68
earrings: $78
bangles: $7
necklace: $98
trousers: $245
pleated pants: $242
blouse $109
shell: 175
tank: $18
vest: $109
shirt: $69
top: $175
tee: $172
cardigan: $195
leopard dress: $160
clutch: $285
satchel: $60
hobo bag: $179
clutch: $169
scarf: $30
thongs: $79
pumps: $75
booties: $27
platforms: $250
flats: $36
tank dress: $288
TOTAL: $6,153