Lots of Leg and Lots of Dads at the MTV Movie Awards

The 2015 MTV Movie Awards aired last night, terribly timed to the premiere of Game of Thrones. Judging from the red carpet alone, it really lived up to its reputation as the obnoxious, lazy, basic baby sibling of the awards show family. This year’s red carpet was a little subdued, featuring lame styling—not outright terrible styling, which would have at least been interesting—and very few A-list celebs. What is the MTV Movie Awards red carpet without Zac Efron? Without the cast of the Vampire Diaries? I’m pretty confused.

First up, a lot of dresses working their derndest to cover as little skin as possible. We have Emily Ratajkowski in a bra-dress hybrid by Fausto Puglisi, and Halston Sage in a similar (worse) bra-dress hybrid of a different shade, also by Fausto Puglisi; due to this stunning coincidence, Refinery29 has intuited that this is the “next sexy dress that’ll replace Hervé Léger’s bandage dresses.” That would be unfortunate! Victoria Justice is also serving up Barbie starlet realness, in a horrible sparkly Versace and boring pumps.

Bai Ling! Yessssss. This lovable wackjob cannot resist the lure of a red carpet, and her IRL gusto is almost quaint—bitch has been showing up to awards shows in absurd outfits since way before Instagram even existed, and that is why I know the name of an actress who has never once appeared in a film anyone has heard of. Anyway, Bai Ling is wearing a dragon:

And now, let’s take a moment to admire all the cute dads in the haus:

Sleek, clean lines and color-blocking from Amber Rose, Amy Schumer (in Balmain) and Brittany Snow. I like Brittany’s look overall, but it could be improved with a slightly shorter hemline and a good steam.

The teeny mini trend continues with Charli XCX, Holland Roden and Jennifer Lopez. I’m kind of feeling the colors on Charli’s trench-dress, but Holland’s is too short and very bathroom tile; it’s also clear that some dumb stylist decided she needed a “pop of color” when heels like J.Lo’s would have worked better. And speaking of La Lopez, my god, what a vision. This whole shrunken look is working for me, and from her expression you can tell she’s like, “Yes, hello, I’m literally a goddess, who are these teens?”

Let’s take a closer look at J.Lo’s hardware:

And at Charli’s big-ass go-go boots:

The barrage of minis continues: Anna Camp and Bella Thorne are both in Peter Pilotto, and for all their striking patterns, both are looking a little deflated/boring. And Cara Delevingne is in an eggplant Reem Acra, looking a little out-of-place and baroque in this sea of bright ‘n’ easy. Also, I hate eggplant, so.

Machine Gun Kelly did a lot of these poses, just to remind everybody how hardcore and masculine this baby blue red carpet scene really is.

Oof: Teen Mom/porn star Farrah Abraham is in a silver floor-length Léger, Kelly Osbourne is in a funereal Alexander McQueen, and Rebel Wilson appears to be wearing a cape.

Later on in the evening, Rebel donned this getup.

After so much lame, I’m almost happy to see Kate Mara‘s futuristic two-piece Cushnie et Ochs; same goes for Tinashe‘s Adam Selman gown, even though the fit could be better. Neither Reese nor Sofia walked the red carpet, but here they are onstage, both looking glowy and divine.

I am not loving any of these looks, but considering the competition they’re not half-bad. Hailee Steinfeld‘s head-to-toe Rodarte is edgy but not super flattering; Scarlett Johansson looks like a Miami socialite but the color is great; and Shailene… Shailene is wearing a too-casual Isabel Marant outfit that I’d be into for another event, but here it looks all wrong.

Let’s take a look at some dudes! I am kind of into Redfoo‘s outfit but his general demeanor is checking my enthusiasm; Kevin Hart is having fun with his style choices, which I appreciate; Michael B. Jordan, love the effort, but the fit is all wrong and I honestly just hate this whole look in general. And, that’s right, I skipped past Channing Tatum. Because Channing Tatum is wearing THE WORST OUTFIT IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD.

LET’S TAKE A CLOSER LOOK. There’s really nothing worse than a jaunty newsboy cap; pair that with a goatee, a weird, lumpy brown blazer, and poorly-fitted pants, we have a living atrocity on our hands.