Lorde Emerges From Years-Long Quarantine to Announce She's Absolutely 'Jazzed'

Illustration for article titled Lorde Emerges From Years-Long Quarantine to Announce Shes Absolutely Jazzed
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In November 2019, Lorde’s dog died. She stalled her comeback as a result, choosing instead to spend another few months in creative hibernation, beyond the prying eyes of the public. But now she’s back! As swiftly as she disappeared, she’s popped up with an email to fans announcing that her next album is “so fucking good.”

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Pitchfork reports that in her latest newsletter, Lorde announced her first album since 2017's Melodrama, an endeavor three years in the making. Describing the process of assembling her next project in the studio, alongside pop music hanger-on Jack Antonoff, she wrote:

“I started going back to the studio again in December, just for something to do, and to my surprise, good things came out. Happy, playful things. [...] It flowed. A thing started to take shape. And then, of course, the world shut down. We’re still working away—Jack and I FaceTimed for over an hour this morning going over everything. But it’ll take a while longer.”

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Getting locked into a series of FaceTime calls with Antonoff might sound like my particular version of hell, but I’m glad it’s working out for her! She also addressed whether she might tour again, telling fans: “I want to eat summer foods in beautiful countries—ice cream and tomatoes and anchovies.” Are anchovies a summer food? I’m definitely not traveled enough, it would seem. Anyway, summer might never come, and this album might not either, if Lorde suddenly decides it. Sure, she wants “nothing more than to feed you treats, pop perfect morsels straight into your little mouths.” But as she writes to fans, “Realise there’s something to be said for the pleasant feeling of waiting for something of quality to become available to you.” [Pitchfork]


Did you know Megan Fox thinks Machine Gun Kelly is a “really cool guy?” No matter—now you do! Us Weekly reports that these hot and horny lovebirds “have definitely hooked up.” According to their source: “They started off as friends and their relationship grew from there. Megan thinks MGK is a really cool guy and their relationship turned more romantic.”

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I frankly don’t know how these celebrities do it: Break stay-at-home orders to canoodle in each other’s sports cars, hang out with soon-to-be exes during the weekly kid exchange, and sleep peacefully knowing their ex is also out probably doing the same thing. It’s never been a riskier time to take on some new dick! And didn’t LA County ask us all to wait a while longer before expanding our “bubbles,” so to speak? I guess those regulations don’t apply to famous people (like most things). [Us Weekly]


Jojo Siwa has clearly been reading Hegel’s Phenemology of Spirit:

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StassieBaby is really trying her best right now:

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  • Mary-Kate wants babies as much as she wants a divorce. [People]
  • Where in the world is Ruby Rose? [NYP]
  • Julianne Hough is still flailing her body while explaining the concept of energy. [Us Weekly]
  • Prince Charles doesn’t think you’re working hard enough. [NYP]
  • I never want to hear another word from Nick Viall ever again. [Us Weekly]
  • Please stop asking tertiary Cuomos about how hot they think their relatives are. [ET]

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Jojo Siwa is like a real life 80's cartoon created solely to sell stuff to kids.