London's Serial Cat Killer Investigators Were Outfoxed 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m talking about literal foxes.

On Thursday, the New York Times reported that a three-year investigation into hundreds of apparent cat murders in and around London yielded a likely culprit: foxes. In all fairness to the ace team that cracked the case, foxes are notoriously difficult to interview and often avoided altogether by human investigators.

The inquiry, which took place around the community of Croydon and involved many examinations of cat cadavers, led to the conclusion that the poor felines were probably hit by cars and scavenged by wild animals, foxes mainly. London is home to 10,000 of them, by some estimates.

In fact, the Metropolitan Police now say they never had evidence humans were vivisecting cats, the story spread on its own with sensationalist language like “Croydon cat killer” or “cat ripper.” 400 cases of killed cats were reported, which does seem like a lot.

Some residents are still not convinced of the investigation’s findings. Lizzie Grench, a local who says she witness her neighbor come upon her cat’s lifeless body splayed on her doormat in 2016 told the Times, “Many of the cat parts were left on their owner’s doorsteps. Only a human can be that strategic.”

Or a fox. And you know I love foxes, but they would.