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Lionsgate Is Opening a Portal to Hell in Times Square

Remember when Peeta “hid” by painting his face like a rock and then Katniss found him? Image: Lionsgate
Remember when Peeta “hid” by painting his face like a rock and then Katniss found him? Image: Lionsgate

Times Square, located in the beating, bloody heart of New York City, is generally a nightmare, full of grope-y Elmos and naked cowboys and throngs of tourists. You know what’s going to make Times Square better? A Lionsgate-branded “indoor entertainment center” featuring “unique immersive experiences” from your favorite films!!

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News of this indoor entertainment emporium comes on the heels of the announcement in August that Lionsgate was building a theme park in South Korea called Lionsgate Movie Land. For those without the means to travel to South Korea to participate in what might actually be the Hunger Games, but in a theme park, New York City’s got you covered.

The entertainment center, called Lionsgate Entertainment City, will feature a real cornucopia of “experiences” for the avid movie and television fan: a Mad Men-themed restaurant; a Hunger Games flying simulator (?); some sort of nightmare obstacle course themed around Divergent; and a “John Wick: Chapter Two shooting ride where fans go head-to-head with a series of assailants.” If all of that excitement gives you the vapors, feel free to refresh your spirits at Peeta’s Bakery and The Capitol Confectionary. There’s also something called a “Nerve VR motorcycle experience” which sounds just as stressful as being on an actual motorcycle, except when you get off the ride and try to exit, you’re in Times Square.

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Questions: Can you smoke in the Mad Men restaurant? Why is there a “shooting ride?” Is the Divergent “obstacle course” going to be as hard to get through and poorly executed as the film on which it is based? Lastly—why does everyone think it’s a good idea to do anything that simulates the dystopian nightmare portrayed in the Hunger Games, even if it is just a “flying simulator?

Lionsgate Entertainment City is set to open in 2019. There’s no word on how much it will cost to enter this fun zone, but let this serve as a reminder that the M&M Store in Times Square is likely a much better time and is always free.

Senior Writer, Jezebel

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DISCUSSION

lookatthosecavemengo
LookAtThoseCavemenGo

This moves the nightmare that is Times Square right on up to the level of sleep paralysis. This is me, the bed is Times Squre, and the demon thing is the Lionsgate monstrosity. The horse thing is the gun rollercoaster*.

* “shooting ride” means gun rollercoaster, right?