Playgirl model and Wasilla, Alaska mayoral candidate is running on a platform which focuses on "better schools, less crime and more jobs for citizens of Wasilla and neighboring Palmer." First he has to get his high school diploma, though.
I would like to announce—here, exclusively on Jezebel—that I, Unnamed Source, announce my candidacy for President of the United States. I will run on a platform that focuses on World Peace, Peace in the Middle East, World Hunger, Kite Flying, and Feeding the Hungry Pieces of Reece's Pieces for World Peace under a rainbow of Kites.
Vote for me, or else you hate America.