As anyone prone to reading interior design blogs knows, the home environment is a direct reflection on the quality and worthiness of its occupants’ eternal souls and the determinate of whether or not they deserve love. Thus, it makes sense that we not only roundly critique the living quarters of our potential GOP Presidential nominees, we also make suggestions for how to make their homes more fitting for their public image.
The New York Times, ever striving to be everything conservatives find irritating about liberals, has assembled a crack team of interior design experts (including something called a “design psychologist”) to sniff and scoff at the homes of the red state zillionaires running for President. Turns out, Real Americans are real bad at house picking. On the conservatives’ lack of taste, one NYT-enlisted expert pointed out, bitchily, “I hate to call them McMansions – it gives McDonald’s a bad name.” Oh, snap. Ten free McGriddles for you, sir!
The Times’ look into the candidates’ homes is fascinating, and deliciously mean. But we’ll do them one better— we’ll dictate how the candidates’ houses should look, based on the general stupidity of the stuff they keep saying.
Mitt Romney
Where he lives: Mittens Romney is really, really, really rich and thus owns like 10,000 houses, all of which have very fancy bathrooms with giant tubs and living rooms decorated to look like the model home in a gated community outside of Phoenix. His curtains may have been ironed.
Where he should live: Next door to Tim “The Tool Man” Taylor in a Tim Allen-less reboot of Home Improvement. Mitt Romney plays the neighbor girl’s awkward and unhip dad who is always wearing socks with sandals and Orlando souvenir visors while carrying around trays of ribs.
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