The 1968 Playboy Club manual, which was thoughtfully posted online by former Bunny Regina, is a treasure trove of useful information. There are tips on proper hair care, smoking sexily, and fraternizing with patrons. Though it isn't stated explicitly, we're pretty sure leaving Hef at the altar earns you demerits.
An 8% acceptance rate? Being a Playboy Bunny was essentially as prestigious as getting into an Ivy League university. But of course, only suckers attend college when you've already got the "top job in the country for a young girl."
Your unkept tail has brought shame upon this Playboy Club! You know it breaks your poor Bunny Mother's heart when you show up with shabby shoes, no cigarette money, and a noticeable lack of bikini panties.
That's it! This is going on your permanent Playboy record. Just try to get into college now!