This season of the Real Housewives of New York has been fine. Bethanny cries a lot, Ramona is a messy single lady and Sonja is constantly intoxicated—nothing groundbreaking. But Tuesday night’s episode brought us the most teased-about scene of the season: the “uncool” heard ‘round the Upper East Side.
For context: The group was on a mandatory vacation in the Turks and Caicos. On their last night, about half of the ladies went out and got wasted, because why the hell not? As the story goes, Ramona and Countess LuAnn brought back two guys and made out with them on the patio. Because the Countess is experienced in the wiles of a drunken hookups, she sent her guy home. Ramona, on the other hand, is newly separated from her husband and generally is a hot ass mess.
She let her guy sleep in one of the spare rooms in the house, which happened to be across the hall (separated by a large bathroom) from Heather and Carole’s room. Heather woke up, saw the naked man in the bed and lost. her. shit.
There were tears! There were concerns about stolen jewelry and jeopardized safety! Drapes were torn open! LuAnn was woken up!
Here’s the thing: Heather and Carole certainly have a right to be annoyed, but all that? The hysterics? Nah, girl. Countless LuAnn, in what will surely be the greatest moment of her life expressed this sentiment thusly:
Let’s just take a moment to fully appreciate this. There is the Countess, in all her hungover glory—robe open, sunglasses on, hair pretty on point for first thing in the morning and not a single fuck in sight.
So be cool. Don’t be all, like, uncool. Why?
Why, indeed. Heather obviously didn’t take that well.
The most obnoxious part of Heather’s reaction was how she kept rambling on about how unsafe the situation was. First of all, the guy was not in their room—he was across a pretty sizable hallway. Also, do you expect us to believe that there wasn’t a single person from the production team in the house at the time? No security? We know for a fact that a house manager was present. Girl, you were fine.
During Heather’s hysterics she also asked what Ramona would think if her daughter Avery brought back a random guy and let him crash somewhere—clearly missing the fact that Avery is a freshman in college and probably does that on the regular.
The real winner here is obviously LuAnn, who not only coined what I hope will be the catchphrase of the year, but also used the debacle as fodder for her latest single: “Girl Code (Don’t Be So Uncool).”
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Screenshot via Bravo.