Kristin Cavallari Says Jay Cutler Unclogged Her Milk Ducts By 'Sucking Harder Than He's Ever Sucked'

Illustration for article titled Kristin Cavallari Says Jay Cutler Unclogged Her Milk Ducts By 'Sucking Harder Than He's Ever Sucked'
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Reading the headline pretty much gives all the information to which I am privy, but the manual siphoning of blocked milk ducts is a thing that happened in the Cavallari/Cutler household.


For those who weren’t aware, Kristin Cavallari, former star of The Hills, has another reality show on the E! network that seems to center around Southern yelling. In a recent promo for an upcoming episode, Cavallari tells her dinner companions that she had “Major clogged ducts. Jay had to get them out for me, sucking harder than he’s ever sucked.”

A boozy dinner with friends, where people are ready to be entertained and also a tiny bit drunk, is the best possible place share a story like this. Furthermore, having experienced the events of this tale without using them to make a friend gape would just be suffering in vain. And finally, it’s kind of sweet to not only trust a partner to perform a task like this, but also to see him so unfazed by the act that he continues casually drinking a margarita during the event’s retelling. Or is clearing a partner’s milk ducts a common parental act of which I, a childless thornback, am simply unaware?


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I remember those days, when my wife would get clogged milk ducks.  I’d make some hot compresses, and I’d have to chase the little bastards around the living room, finally pinning them down and trying to hold the warm wash cloths and hot water bottles onto the squirmy, squishy little guys. Then after a few minutes, my wife would massage the milk ducks, while I held their beaks to keep them from waking the baby with all their quacking.

It’s the biggest reason we’re hesitant to have another baby, really.