Upset about a recent 30-pound weight gain, Kirstie Alley has reprised her role as lady-who-yells-at-you-about-Jenny-Craig—a job she last held seven years ago. Welcome back, Kirstie! It seems like you never left us. (No, really. Does anyone actually feel like they've had a break from Kirstie Alley yelling about how much she hates her butt? I think of that as her career at this point.)
Alley lost 75 pounds with Jenny Craig back in 2004, but began gaining weight back after parting with the company in 2007. Fortunately for us all, she isn't fat like the kind of "screwed up" fat person who deserves to be stripped of their humanity and gawked at in a human zoo—she's still the "good" kind of regular-person fat. Phew.
"I was good for awhile and then I wasn't good, and the weight crept up," Alley tells PEOPLE. "Like I say in the ad, I'm not circus fat. I didn't hugely screw up. I didn't gain 75. I gained 30."
But even Dancing with the Stars couldn't help, it seems:
Despite losing 100 lbs. in 2011 after launching her own Organic Liaison weight-loss system and competing on Dancing with the Stars, Alley recently found the number on the scale going up.
She returned to Jenny Craig because "I love that you have a consultant," Alley says. "It's like being an athlete. No athlete is going to do well without having a coach. We have to equate that to life. Without a coach helping us along the way, I don't think someone can make it for the long haul."
I'm not sure if this makes her the worst spokesperson ever ("Hey! This program doesn't actually change your body and habits in any significant longterm way at all—just look at me!!!") or the best spokesperson ever ("Hey! The only way you'll ever achieve longterm weight loss is to STAY DEPENDENT ON THE JENNY CRAIG CORPORATION AND GIVE THEM ALL OF YOUR MONEY FOREVER").
In case it needs to be said: Fat people are not broken, and people who use terms like "circus fat" to describe human beings—while profiting directly and hugely from those human beings' insecurities via endorsement deals and mysterious weight loss supplements—do not have fat people's best interests in mind.
But best of luck to her, I guess. And to us all.
Image via Getty.