A wee couple of months after Kim Kardashian was dragged across the entire internet by her hair for trying to trademark her new shapewear line “Kimono,” she’s finally come up with a new name. The criteria seemed to be twofold: 1) It must include her name (Kim), and 2) It can’t make sense. In these regards, she has succeeded: The line will be called SKIMS Solutionwear.
This is the best we could do? “Skim” means to “to clear (a liquid) of scum or floating substance,” or alternatively, “To become coated with a thin layer of film or scum.” (There are other definitions, but don’t worry, they’re not better.) In the most pertinent sense, it’s meant as a noun: A thin layer, coating, or film. Still, that’s well below “to put on a finishing coat of plaster” and “to embezzle money.”
In fairness, the number of words that include “Kim” are...skimpy, if you will—with “Eskimo” and “kimchi” both clearly out, there wasn’t a lot left to work with. Could a rhyme not suffice? Kimtimates. Kimplicity. Kimprison (Your Body). Total Kimtrol. Kim’s Skins. That last one is super creepy, but is it worse than SKIMS?
That being said, Kardashian initially tried to trademark “Kimono Intimates” back in 2018, but it was already taken by a condom company. Aside from blatant cultural appropriation, does no one grasp what a kimono...is?