The Kim Kardashian divorce saga has taken a turn for the telenovela best, with sources claiming she divorced Kris so she could resume sexy times with Reggie Bush. Having standards that somehow still allowed him to date her in the first place, the football player and his persuasive penis told her over lunch two days before she filed for divorce that he wouldn’t jump back in the sack with her unless she ended things with her husband. “Reggie told her that he would not do anything with her unless she was single. She had to get an official divorce before he would ever even consider having a physical relationship with Kim.” Though the story was broken by Media Take Out and should therefore be taken with a handful of salt, we’re going to take the unsubstantiated gossip and run with it: ¡Kim es sucia! [Media Take Out]
Kris Jenner has come forward and done what all good demonic stage mothers should do and defended her daughter — and the Kardashian Empire ™ — against the onslaught of ugly, vicious truths. [E!]
And, nope, this is never going to go away, with Kris jumping on the morning chat circuit to discuss her daughter’s divorce – starting with Today, today. [Hollywood Reporter]
She also took a break from summoning evil spirits to do her bidding by saying that Dancing With The Stars is “one of the best things to ever happen” to Rob. Which is most likely her bank account’s pet name. [E!]
Grab the smelling salts! The guy who used to help stage photo-ops for Kim says “she has a mass craving for attention.” [Radar]
It wasn’t just Reggie‘s persuasive penis that’s to blame for the split, Kris‘s parents were also part of the puzzle due to their extreme Kim hate. [TMZ]
The couple whose wedding was disrupted by Kim and Kris‘s production have lasted longer than 72 days. [TMZ]
The Chippendales have offered Kris a gig that would redeem him in everyone’s eyes. [TMZ]
Though it’s much more fun to assume it’s true until someone gives him an SVU-style cheek swab to prove otherwise (sorry Selena!), Justin Bieber‘s camp are trying to burst our bubble by calling bull on allegations the 17-year-old knocked up Mariah Yeater, who has filed a paternity lawsuit against the star. “While we haven’t yet seen the lawsuit, it’s sad that someone would fabricate malicious, defamatory, and demonstrably false claims,” say the killjoys. We will vigorously pursue all available legal remedies to defend and protect Justin against these allegations.” [US]
The please-god-let-it-be-true baby momma tells the judge: “When I later realized I was pregnant with Justin Bieber‘s baby, I tried to contact him through his representatives but no one ever called me back.” [Radar]