In the 4th grade, most of my friends were obsessed with Yu-Gi-Oh cards, which mostly worked as a way to drive your parents crazy at the grocery store, where new packs would tempt you from the check-out lanes. When I say that literally everyone had them, I’m being serious. There was a period in elementary school when the playground would empty as kids retreated to the far corners to duel each other. My parents refused to buy me any, because our pastor had told them the cards were a tool of the devil sent here to corrupt my pure and innocent eight year old soul, and so I would stand on the sidelines and watch, Y-Gi-Oh-less and embarrassed.
One day, my friend asked me where my cards were, because he wanted to duel. Scared of being discovered as a square, I lied, and said that my cards were so rare and expensive I kept them in a safe under my bed. The lie definitely said more about me than it did my friend, but it bought me enough time to secretly squirrel away cards I would trade sandwiches and Capri Suns for. Eventually I had a deck, scraped together by my own desperation, which I could duel him with. (I never actually won a duel, though, which was probably some sort of divine punishment for my greed, and need to be liked.)
Anyway, Kim Kardashian definitely understands where I’m coming from. She spent the last three weeks posted up in her colossal mausoleum slash house, watching on Instagram as a bunch of people who probably don’t like her received massive Ivy Park boxes from Beyoncé in the mail. For a minute, gossips speculated that she’d been snubbed, considering the longstanding rumors of a feud between the Kardashian-Wests and Carter-Knowles.
But alas, Kim has posted a giant orange box on Instagram, which she claims is full of Ivy Park sent specifically to her by Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter. Reposted from her Instagram Stories by a fan account, you can even hear “Run the World (Girls)” in the background of the videos, which is certainly an ok choice of a Beyoncé song.
As far as Kim is concerned, this is a box sent express to her by Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter. She definitely did not buy a matching container, fill it with Ivy Park, and send it to herself, because that would be ridiculous! So then, if it is real—because it is—why did she wait so long?
Near the end of the Instagram Stories, Kim writes: “Sorry I’m sooo late! Congrats @beyonce and @adidas on such a hugely successful launch. I love everything and can’t wait to wear it all!!” Do you think this is an attempt at a flex? “I’ll wear your little clothes, but I will do it on my time.” It would certainly explain the large gap between Kim’s box and the others that ran rampant across social media in the last few weeks, but it would also be an exceedingly obsessive and calculated thing to do. And there is literally nothing about Kim that would suggest she is obsessive or calculated about her public image.
Regardless, I hope Kim keeps her Ivy Park locked away in a safe and snug under her bed, just like I did with my Yu-Gi-Oh cards. I heard those tights are pretty expensive! [Hollywood Life]
Sometimes, when a person is walking around, they will occasionally walk past other people. Those other people, meanwhile, have probably walked past other people to be standing where they are. Everyone is always walking past each other! So, imagine my surprise when I opened the Daily Mail this morning and found the following: “When stars DON’T collide: Brad Pitt slips away from Renée Zellweger at the Academy Awards Nominees Luncheon.”
That’s right—in the course of the Academy Awards Nominees Luncheon at the Loews Hotel, Brad Pitt walked by Renée Zellweger without a word. Here’s some speculation from the Daily Mail on why:
“The rare image may have just been a case of strange timing; they could have said hello before or after. Or perhaps they are not familiar with each other, which is hard to believe as they have attended many of the same awards shows this year.”
If I remembered every single person who I met at a work event, and also maintained a connection with each person deep enough to facilitate conversation every time I ran into them, I’d literally never leave the house. But what do I know! The Daily Mail obviously thinks there’s something nefarious afoot, and so, there probably is. Until either of these two are forced to issue press statements clarifying that they didn’t have their reading glasses on, or something. Godspeed! [Daily Mail]
- Kumail Nanjiani thinks he’s boring now. [E!]
- I need to get my hands on the Jessica Simpson memoir. [People]
- Queen Elizabeth seen in public for the first time since her messy breakup a few weeks ago. [Page Six]
- Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard swear they fight like normal couples. [People]
- Former bleach job Zac Efron has moved on with someone I can’t be bothered to google. [Us Weekly]
- Michael Strahan is now re-litigating his messy Live With Kelly exit. [Just Jared]
- Debra Messing wants you to know she has jewels. [Page Six]