Kim Kardashian Must Return the Ancient Roman Statue That Lives in Her Home

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Kim Kardashian Must Return the Ancient Roman Statue That Lives in Her Home
Image:Jean-Baptiste Lacroix / AFP (Getty Images)

Part of me hopes that this little tidbit is the beginning of a fairy tale that ends with Kim Kardashian returning to her original form, Hervé Leger bandage dresses and all, but I am smart enough to know that the witch that cursed her with her marriage to Kanye West was good enough to make the changes he enacted somewhat permanent. Anyway, Kim’s got some stolen Roman art (?) in her home, and Italy wants it back!

In 2016, Kimberly purchased “Fragment of Myron’s Samian Athena” from Axel Vervoordt Gallery in Belgium. Vervoordt is the owner of the gallery and the designer responsible for Kim and Kanye’s creamy, concrete-and-marble mausoleum that is their shared home. The statue in question dates back to the 1st or 2nd century, is old as shit, and probably shouldn’t have left Italy in the first place.

From Page Six:

It was part of a 5.5-ton shipment valued at $745,882 and said to contain 40 antiques, as well as modern furniture and decorative objects.
Further examination of paperwork about the statue had some discrepancies, leading officials to become suspicious about where it had actually come from.
Italy’s Ministry of Cultural Heritage then sent an archaeologist in 2018 to examine the work.
The expert concluded that it had been “looted, smuggled, and illegally exported from Italy,” leading the country to ask for it back.

A civil forfeiture complaint filed in California on Friday is kindly requesting that Kardashian give the thing back to Italy. But a spokesperson for Kim said that she didn’t even buy this shit herself and that “this is the first that she has learned of its existence.” Hmm. Here’s my theory: this is Kanye’s fault. He decorated their house. He’s the one who has the artistic boner for the Belgian man’s designs. He bought this under the guise of marriage being an enterprise that requires sharing of all assets or something, and this is the equivalent of a sitcom wife stealing her husband’s credit card to buy a tennis bracelet. I’m probably wrong, but at least I’m interesting. [Page Six]

Pardon me for indulging in a little bit of fantasy, but I am reading between the lines of every single item of gossip about Jennifer Lopez and The Man With the Dragon Tattoo, looking for signs of life. Here’s the latest: they’re having a great time.

According to People, these two are friendly. Very friendly. Friendly exes, you know, like that one person you broke up with in or around 2011, with the tacit understanding that if you are both single at the same time, and need to recover from a breakup that found you in the center of a media frenzy, you agree to have casual sex that means nothing except for fulfilling the basic human need for physical affection. That’s all. Nothing more to see here. Just adults trying to bone and talk to another adult without any expectations.

Here’s the “source”, who I now believe to be Ben Affleck:

“They have a great time hanging out,” says the source. “It’s been years since they caught up properly. They have lots to talk about.”
As the two are currently in Los Angeles, the source adds, “They plan on hanging out again.”

That’s that! [People]

  • Channing Tatum is a girl dad and now, a girl dad cum author. [People]
  • Congratulations to Stassi Schroder’s daughter, who has learned how to hold a bottle. [Us Weekly]
  • Why on earth is Nev Schulman claiming to be the reason that gal on TikTok rejected Ben Affleck on Raya? (If this sentence makes sense to you, congratulations, you need a vacation.) [TMZ]
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