Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

Kim Kardashian May Have Ruined Marilyn Monroe's Iconic Dress, Posts Fresh Pete Content to Distract Us

The reality show mogul allegedly wore the dress for just 15 minutes, but new photos reveal serious damage. Look, here's Pete Davidson!!!

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Much like its original wearer, Marilyn Monroe’s iconic dress has seen an unfair share of suffering in its short life. It’s been pawed at by a philandering president and his brother; its home is a Ripley’s Believe It Or Not! museum in Orlando, Florida; it was recently forced onto the body of one of the world’s wealthiest elites to be worn at a convergence of other insufferable 1 percenters; and now, the resulting trauma from the latter is back on display in Hollywood to be gawked at by tourists. There’s no business like show business, am I right?

Kim Kardashian, who bragged about shedding 16 pounds in 21 days via a strict diet and exercise regime in order to don the crystal-embellished dress for a mere 15 minutes at the Met Gala, is facing a lot of flak after new photographs of the now-damaged dress have gone viral. The pictures in question, posted by The Marilyn Monroe Collection, reveal a number of missing crystals and some hanging by an aging thread.

“So much for keeping ‘the integrity of the dress and the preservation,’” the account wrote in reference to a Ripley’s Believe It Or Not! statement. Neither Ripley’s nor Kardashian has addressed the accusation.

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But around the same time the photos began circulating, Kardashian deployed one of her go-to dupes as a distraction: posting something salacious on Instagram. This time, it’s bikini shots taken by—and with—Pete Davidson on a private island that they traveled to on her cashmere-lined super jet. She wrote that he passed the “content taking boyfriend test” by managing to take a flattering photo of her in swimwear on a far-flung island—a true feat for the BF of Sports Illustrated’s most recent cover model! The talent he must possess!

Of course, much of the internet has seized upon the ruined dress news as an opportunity to body shame Kardashian, which (beyond entirely missing the point) seems pretty unfair, considering that she reminded the press as often as possible of the great lengths she went to to fit into it, no doubt further inspiring complexes in fans across the world. Therefore, I’m not going to indulge anyone’s theory about her surgically altered, conventionally attractive figure being the culprit for sullying a sartorial piece of American history. I will however, drag her gargantuan ego with little hesitation: The world has humored this vapid billionaire’s vanity for far too long, from making headline news of her truly tone-deaf comments regarding her apparent obsession with remaining youthful and thin to tolerating her Reagan-era ideology that “no one wants to work these days.”

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Please, and I write this with all the strength of my fingers: Eat the rich. For Marilyn.

  • Post Malone is a new daddy! And he’s getting hitched! [CNN]
  • Speaking of daddies, Beyonce’s 10-year-old daughter, Blue Ivy, just got embarrassed by hers while court side at the NBA Finals—I would too if my father inspired Lemonade. [Page Six]
  • Lizzo re-released an updated version of new single, “GRRRLS,” after the original lyrics featured an ableist slur. [NBC News]
  • I may look okay, but deep down I’m still thinking about Christina Aguilera looking like a she-hulk and strapping on a dildo for L.A. Pride. [E! News]
  • Tom Hanks shit-talked the DaVinci Code films in a NYT feature titled, “Tom Hanks Explains It All.” Notably, he has yet to attempt to explain his son. [The New York Times]
  • A group of 200 actors, producers, and writers including Amy Schumer, Shonda Rhimes, and Jimmy Kimmel signed a pledge agreeing to “model norms and visions that guide us to a safer America free of gun violence.” Brave! [The Guardian]
  • Nancy Pelosi’s husband’s mugshot was released from his DUI arrest yesterday if you’d like to take a gander at what a sauced 82-year-old man looks like. Spoiler alert: basically just 66 years older than how I imagine he looked when he crashed his dad’s sports car, killing his older brother. [NY Post]