If I were a billionaire like Kim Kardashian and could afford to do anything available on the aesthetic market to keep my jiggly bits tight and my face as pore-less as steel—I would still not, for any reason, eat literal shit.
But Kim insists she would, in fact, consume feces if it would make her look younger—and not just once! She’d shovel poop into her mouth every damn day!
“I’ll try anything. If you told me that I literally had to eat poop every single day and I would look younger, I might,” Kim told The New York Times. “I just might.”
First of all, the fact that she just volunteered this tidbit to The Times is incredible. She could have said literally anything slightly less disgusting—eat dirt! Don’t eat shit!
Secondly, why am I suddenly wondering if Kim is into scat play?! Is Pete Davidson also into scat play? Is shit the secret to their chemistry? It’s certainly possible! Now, there’s no shame in that, Kim, but it’s a hell of a time to prompt people to talk about your potential interest in feces when you’re currently trying to launch a skincare line. I know Kris Jenner taught you better than that.
Anyway, eating shit daily or even once will likely give you several viruses, bacteria, and/or parasites, which is basically the opposite of getting younger so... please do not try this at home.
- Finally, a celebrity with an actually good Pride Month statement: Bless you, Lynda Carter! [Twitter]
- The BET Awards snubbed Lil Nas X and he had a pretty damn good response to their rudeness. [Billboard]
- Sam Asghari is clearly obsessed with Britney Spears in every way so all I have to say is: good for her. [People]
- A delete your Instagram account challenge, but only for Ryan Adams. [Gawker]
- Billie Eilish and her boyfriend, whose existence I did not know about until today, have split up. Sad! [BuzzFeed]
- Even Pharrell knows his song Happy was irritating as fuck. [Twitter]
- Mama June is having a rouuuuugh week. [Page Six]