After Kris Jenner repeatedly intimated that her show yesterday would feature an "out-of-hiding" Kim Kardashian, and maybe even North West, it was actually a two-second video of Kim in the last five minutes of the show. Which is how these things generally work out.
If you waded through the show like I did, you had to make it past weird spray-painted dude-pec competitions, P. Diddy hawking his water, Ciara looking generally embarassed to be there, some mediocre step dancing and Kris's unfortunate shoe choice (knee socks under pumps) before Kim's video aired. Like that movie S1m0ne, remember? Just me? OK. Here is what Kim said.
"Hey mom, I just wanted to say congratulations on your new show. I'm sorry I couldn't be there in person, but I'm just loving life a little bit too much at home right now. I watch you every single day and you are so amazing. You really are born to do this. I just want to say I love you and have an amazing show."
*Fart noise* [NYDN]
Lindsay Lohan's best friend and former party cohort Vikram Chatwal is headed to rehab too. [TMZ]
LiLo sucks in The Canyons, says People.
Simon Cowell is going to have to throw around a lot of bone$ to resolve this Andrew and Lauren Silverman baby problem. [TMZ]
Cory Monteith's mom tweeted her thanks for fans' support. :( [People]
Prince Harry is psyched that he can keep tomcatting around now that heir Baby Prince Georgeface has been born. I am leaving the key to my apartment in the fake rock, Harry. [People]
Nobody pays attention to Kendall Jenner, so she cried. Here I thought Kendall Jenner was getting ALL the attention, for no real reason? [Us Weekly]
Mark Wahlberg is into cricket now. [Page Six]
Oh. Verbatim, this is Pippa Middleton explaining cricket in Vanity Fair [Page Six]:
"A batsman goes out and is then in until he gets out.This goes on until the last batsman is out, apart from one who is still in and therefore not out.”
Charlie Sheen is living with porn star Capri Anderson, who was involved in his 2010 Tiger Blood-era scandal. [NYDN]
Oh my God, if Andrew Dice Clay gets nominated for an Oscar, I will join the Krishnas. [Page Six]
Justin Bieber put a concertgoer's iPhone down his pants. In his underwear. Look for it on eBay. [NYDN]
Jack White calls Karen Elson a liar for filing a restraining order against him due to harassment and threats. [TMZ]
Leagues of Beliebers are attacking Kat Dennings on Twitter for slamming El Beebo. [Gossip Cop]
Megan Fox "hid" her baby bump before the news of her pregnancy came out, or whatever. [Us Weekly]
Sarah Michelle Gellar says her marriage to Freddie Prinze Jr. is work, speaking of the time when she had to take him from nerdy artist with glasses to red-dress-wearing that Sixpence-None-The-Richer-song-invoking prom queen. Hack-y-sack. Hack-y-sack. [Us Weekly]
Here are Bey, Jay and Blue's matching Timberlands. I love it. [Us Weekly]