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Kim Kardashian, a Chicken, Is Dead

Illustration for article titled Kim Kardashian, a Chicken, Is Dead

After spending what we hope was a happy life in a frequently shit-filled coop in upstate New York, Kim Kardashian, a chicken, is now dead. The small-brained, flightless creature once provided eggs to legendary actress and singer Bette Midler, but People is reporting that she has since gone to the Other Side.


“Kim died of a yeast infection,” Midler told the magazine. “We had to get some different ones.”

Kim is survived by her sisters Kourtney and Khloe, whom Midler can “no longer” tell apart. Insiders more capable of differentiating the remaining Kardashians tell Jezebel that Kourtney is currently fucking an unstoppably horny Canadian rooster named Justin Bieber, while Kourtney is busy with edits on her second book, Fowl Lives Better Flightless. Her first draft was reportedly “a bunch of chicken scratch.”


Image via shutterstock.

Staff Writer, Jezebel | Man

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Love ya Bette, but you couldn’t have named the chicken Kim KardashiHEN?