Kim and Kanye Want to Help Man Who Needs a Kidney With Some Fancy New Kicks

If you ever doubted that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West were actually really cool people, here’s some exciting news that will shatter the cold metal locks currently shackling your heart: America’s first couple want to help a man who’s desperate for a kidney. By hooking him up with a free pair of Yeezys.

TMZ reports that a man named Matt Neal, who suffers from a condition which causes kidney failure and has a pair of Yeezys (which are, if you’re unfamiliar, Kanye-designed sneakers that are very fashionable/look like someone skinned a particularly ugly snake with no future prospects) has offered his pair of shoes to anyone who will give him a kidney in return. Moved by his plight, the Kardashian-Wests have apparently made an offer of their own: if Neal finds someone who’s willing to make the trade, they’ll give him another pair of the very rare shoes which are not only fashion-forward but appear to be “ribbed for her pleasure.” (Yo, check the pic before you disagree).

Only one problem:

Now the tough news. Federal law makes it illegal for anyone to offer money or merchandise in return for an organ. There’s no wiggle room … the law is clear.

Of course, now that the story has made national news, lots of people are willing to just give Neal a kidney, for free, even though they could probably make up to $10,000 on the black market for it. Uh, that seems like a lot less than I thought a kidney was worth. Considering how many urban legends, horror movies, and Audrey Taut0u films (in which she desperately tries to break the walls of the Amelie box she’s firmly been placed in) exist about stealing organs, you’d think you could get at least 50k for one of those bad boys if you handed one over voluntarily. Turns out you wouldn’t even be able to afford more than two nights in a luxury Malibu rental. But this story isn’t about the fact that I’ve just had to cross something off my list of backups in case this whole blogging thing doesn’t work out; it’s a story about humanity and generosity and some very expensive shoes. Also about the fact that no matter what you think about Kim and Kanye, you’ve got to admire the fact that they genuinely just seem pretty okay IRL.

BTW: it turns out that just giving away a kidney to a stranger is totally legal to do in The United States. Here’s how you can get the process started to help someone who doesn’t have a pair of impossible-to-find shoes to trade you for a vital organ. [TMZ]

Anna Kendrick, the celebrity you’d most like to be your friend if Jennifer Lawrence has taken a hard pass, spent her Saturday trapped in the closet (my favorite lyrics of that ridiculous opus, by the by, are “I pull back the cover/oh my god a rubber”) (Also, have you heard/seen “Real Talk”? Please explain to me how this is not a joke). The perpetually perky actress live-tweeted her adventures in spring cleaning to her multitudes of Twitter followers and revealed some very important information about the contents of her wardrobe:

Same.

Also:

Haha, also same. For instance, there’s really no need for me to keep the homemade Lt. Dangle costume I made with my friends when I was fifty pounds lighter in my wardrobe, but goddamn if someone’s getting it without stabbing me violently through the heart with a bowie knife (I’ve been reading a lot of Blake Crouch). Celebrities: they’re just like…fuck it. It’s Sunday. I don’t have energy. Let’s move on. [Cosmopolitan]

That one dude with the reptilian face all the teens on Tumblr seem to like has named his baby something fairly normal. [Celebitchy]
Rita Ora (otherwise known as “literally, who?” around these parts) showed off some pretty awesome Purple Stars on her nipples. I was excited at first because I thought she was reping the same “pharmacy” I go to for my “headache medicine,” but then I realized that purple stars are just cool in general. [The Superficial]
Ben Foster exists, might be single. Someone call up Jewel Staite and ask if she’s interested. [Celebitchy]
Will Elle Fanning win an Oscar? [TMZ]
Is Jay Z on Instagram? [People]
Would you rather: die of thirst or drown in the cloudy pit of urine water parks laughingly refer to as “a wave pool”? [I just want to know because I experienced both of these things at the water park yesterday]
Kylie Jenner is taking turning 18 really, really well. [Us]