Killers Trailer Proves That Katherine Heigl And Ashton Kutcher Are Intent On Destroying Love Forever

Unsatisfied with the cliche-fests they sprung on us in The Ugly Truth and Valentine’s Day,Katherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher have teamed up for Killers, and if the trailer is any indication, their embrace of all things romantically awful continues:

Oh, dear. It looks as though we have a classic case of sad single woman who meets “the perfect man,” only to discover that he has a secret life! Whaaaaa?! Hilarity and romantic interludes will surely ensue. Keep in mind that when we meet Heigl, she’s “recently single” (read: alone and desperately in need of a man, as all singles are, right ladies?) and we learn that Kutcher is her “ideal man” based on the fact that he looks good shirtless, is rich, and is capable of charming her while she’s on vacation. On vacation after a break-up, no less. For aren’t all great marriages based on vacation rebounds? I think so.

Later, we see that Kutcher is actually a spy! Which means, technically, that he’s also a liar who neglected to clue his partner into his very dangerous job until her life was actually at stake. Whoops! But he looks good with his shirt off, so, you know, whatevs, Trevs. Of course, Heigl somehow finds herself the accidental hero (no job for you, Depardieu) and the two fight crime together. Or something. She makes a dick joke about her gun. And….scene.

Of course, we can’t completely blame Kutcher and Heigl for the genre they’re stuck in. These are the scripts getting picked up (this one, unsurprisingly, was both written and directed by dudes), and they’re just the suckers playing the stereotypes. And considering the fact that the massive critical turd Valentine’s Day is on track to bring in 50 million dollars this weekend, this won’t be the last time we see either of these actors, or any actors, resorting to the same old tired tropes to sell a few tickets.

Box Office: Friday Estimates Put Valentine’s Day On Track For A 50 Million Plus Holiday Weekend [EW]
Killers Trailer [Trailer Addict]