'Kids' Vote to Give Rush Limbaugh a Children's Book Award

Illustration for article titled Kids Vote to Give Rush Limbaugh a Childrens Book Award

Radio personality, New York Times bestselling writer, provocateur. Now, Rush Limbaugh has a new turd jewel to add to his shit crown: award winning children's author. (sound of dishes breaking to denote shock) (sound of car slamming on breaks) (sound of chickens clucking in surprise)

Limbaugh won the prestigious Children's Choice Book Award for Author of the Year over such accomplished writers as Diary of a Wimpy Kid's Jeff Kinney, who won in both 2012 and 2013 and other prominent nominees who aren't arch-garbage.

Limbaugh's winning book Rush Revere and the Brave Pilgrims is about a time traveling middle school teacher who has Rush Limbaugh's head and personality. He jumps back and forth between the modern day and olden times, and along the way both Rush Revere, teacher, and his students learn the real story of US history as told by Rush Limbaugh.

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Wow! one might think to oneself, I had no idea that Rush Limbaugh commanded such respect from the children's literary community!

He doesn't. The Children's Choice Book Award is given to the person who wins the most online votes on the award's website, and according to the Boston Herald's blog The Edge, the folks behind the award have no way of verifying that only children voted, nor do they have a mechanism in place that prevents people from voting multiple, multiple, multiple, multiple times. I'm not sure what's sadder: the fact that Rush Limbaugh won a children's literature award, or the fact that he probably won it by prompting his fans to vote for him. Just picture it: Rush's butt-boys stood there hitting refresh over and over again, freedom-boners rising against their patriot zippers as they Did Literally The Least They Could Possibly Do for their country.

Here's an excerpt from the book that summarizes my feelings:

Illustration for article titled Kids Vote to Give Rush Limbaugh a Childrens Book Award
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Blimey indeed.

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DISCUSSION

insomniac1729
insomniac 1729

Listen, teabaggers, and you shall hear

Of a publishing coup and Rush Revere

In the middle of May, 'twas not quite summer

In the sixth year of ruler Obummer

He got on his soapbox to whip up some fear.

He said to his fans, "My book you'll choose

You needn't read it; I'm sure you'll assume

It beats any written by that communist Seuss

Or feminazis like Cleary, L'Engle or Blume.

One hundred clicks from your hand, or two if you please

Will show all the libtards who actually read

Kid's choose? Leave me my greed."