Elegant giraffe Kendall Jenner and floppy-haired subject of one of Taylor Swift’s more irritating songs Harry Styles are maybe back together again because they spent three whole days together. You know what that means, right?
Sex. It means sex. Let me be clear. It means they were having sex. Probably?
While you were eating corn on the cob and drinking in someone’s backyard for the last time this weekend, Jenner and Styles were spending three whole days together, only emerging from their den of iniquity to get food at Nobu, Mel’s Diner and “L.A. hot spot Ysabel,” according to Us Weekly’s little gossip birds.
Styles reached out from the great beyond to reconnect with Jenner after an intense seven months of working on...something. “Right now all he wants to do is spend time with his mates again,” a friend told Us Weekly. Hence, the dinner dates and the waist-touching and the googly eyes over sashimi.
For those of you who don’t keep track of what Styles does with his free time, let me catch you up. He dated Jenner in 2013 and went on vacation to Anguilla with her in 2015. In January of this year, they went to St. Bart’s together and were confirmed to be “dating” by Khloe Kardashian, who rightfully pointed out that yeah, if they went to St. Bart’s and spent time on a yacht together, that’s something. “Dating.”
According to this nebulous source, Styles took notice of Jenner again after seeing her in the Victoria’s Secret fashion show. “All of his friends were saying how hot and amazing she looked,” the source said. Yes, supposedly Jenner and A$AP Rocky were dating, like, a month ago, but that is irrelevant at this time. This is what we got.
The greatest love story of our generation has ended after a tight three months of carefully staged paparazzi photos and my god, do you think Tom Hiddleston was just using Taylor Swift for her fame?!!?!
This is the line that Swift’s people are sticking to. From Page Six, mere hours before their breakup was made official. Emphasis all mine.
“Tom wants their relationship to be public, even asking Taylor to go to the Emmys with him, but Taylor wants to keep her private life private. Tom’s need for their relationship to be so public so quickly makes her uncomfortable.”
The source added, “She tried to be OK with it in the beginning but fears he is in love with the idea of her and not falling in love with her for the right reasons. Taylor is an independent young woman and doesn’t feel like she needs a boyfriend to make her feel complete.”
To be sure, being adjacent to the supernova that is Taylor Swift probably refills your fame pellets if you’re on the brink of breaking through or are about to say, replace Daniel Craig as James Bond. But, when one considers how quietly embarrassed he looked in every staged paparazzi shot – Tom, buddy, it’s okay. This is over. It’s all over now.