Welcome back, dolls! We made it to 2016 and thankfully the tea is just as hot as it was last year. Here’s hoping you all had an amazing New Year filled with confrontations and combative behavior. Since me and my staff are forbidden from making New Year’s resolutions, there will be no new year, new me BS on this part of the Internet. We’re happily up to our same old tricks, so #LEGGO!

On Sunday night’s episode the A-Plot was Scott’s continued erratic behavior; the B-Plot was Kylie and Kendall’s sisterly tensions; and the C-Plot was me frantically searching ZocDoc in hopes of finding a psychiatric professional to help me sort through my emotions regarding Scott Disick.

Scene 2: Filmed on August 17, 2015

While still in St. Barth’s, the Kardashian-Jenner Mothers’ Board: Kris Jenner, Kourtney Kardashian, and Kim Kardashian West eat breakfast. Penelope comes up to her mother, Kourtney, and asks to see “the mermaid.” Apparently, the villa hosting the Kardashians hires out a mermaid to come swim with children at night. To make sure she raised them right, Kris tells her daughters, who are both in their mid thirties, that “there is no such thing as mermaids.” Kourtney shuts Kris down explaining that there have to be real mermaids because “why would people think that there are” if they didn’t actually exist, since “they’ve obviously seen them” and the ocean is “big.” Kim also thinks that mermaids maybe existed, “once upon a time.” Khloe joins the krew, and Kourtney tells them that Scott texted her, letting her know that he was in Mexico with friends. Kourtney’s scientific reasoning for mermaids was filmed on August 17, 2015.

Scene 6: Filmed on August 18, 2015

Freshly minted 18-year-old Kylie Jenner takes seductive photos in St. Barth’s while her 25-year- old, father of 1, and garbage pail boyfriend Tyga looks on while eating flaming hot Cheetos. High-end and commercial model, Kendall Jenner, looks on. This was filmed on August 18, 2015.

Scene 8: Filmed on August 19, 2015

Kris Jenner has a casual sit down with Kylie, and asks her to spend more time with her sister Kendall on their trip. Kylie isn’t feeling Kris’ words and immediately gets up, calling Kendall “so fucking annoying.” As Kylie storms off, Kendall enters and can sense the tense environment. Per usual, Tyga is lurking in the back, while Kris calls Kylie cranky. Both Kendall and Tyga agree with this, and Tyga gives his best fatherly advice and tells Kylie’s mother that she has to have patience with budding young adult, Kylie. He goes on to say that certain things go in one ear and out the other with her, and that she will go against what you say, but weeks later she will come back to you saying that you were right. Kendall also joins in, and says that this is typically Kylie. While they talk, full voiced and without abandon, Kylie whips around because she can HEAR THEM. Looking like a half made-up Build-A-Bear, she asks her loved ones to go somewhere else to talk about her. Kylie was stuffed and filled (with a heart!) and this scene was filmed on August 19, 2015.

Scene 10: Filmed on August 18, 2015

Penelope and North finally get to meet the famed St. Barth’s actress who dresses up as a mythical (scratched out) mermaid. Both girls are extremely confused and can only muster confused states and barked commands, “go in the pool,” *mermaid gets into the pool* “go under.” I see in St. Barth’s they have mermaids but there seems to be a “please” and “thank you” deficit on the island. Someone should get on that. Penelope and North’s emotional scarring was filmed on August 18, 2015.

Scene 11: Filmed on August 19, 2015

At dinner, the family gathers. Kris asks Tyga if he’s seen Kylie’s new heart tattoo. While Tyga talks about Kylie’s tattoo to Kris, Kris notices Kylie’s name tattooed on Tyga’s arm. The family is slightly shocked, but Kris thinks it’s “actually really pretty,” while Kourtney doesn’t mind as long as Kylie doesn’t go and get his name tattooed on her body. All of this tattoo talk circled them around to Rob and his various tattoos. Kris says that each one of Rob’s tattoos has meaning. Specifically, his life-size Barbie tattoo of his ex, Rita Ora, which he used to cover up another ex, Adrienne Bailon’s, name. Kim says that it now looks like a cabbage patch doll because of the weight he’s gained. Tickled bright pink over her jokes, Kim continues to repeat that her brother, who is suffering from severe health and weight issues, has gained so much weight that a small tattoo has continued to balloon over the years. Someone get me a drink and that mermaid, PLEASE. This was filmed on August 19, 2015.

Scene 17: Filmed on September 3, 2015

Back in Calabasas after their St. Barth’s vacation, Kris has her daughters over to discuss starting their own restaurant with restaurateur, Greg Sadofsky, because there aren’t any good restaurants in Calabasas. Everyone is on board. Kim thinks they could call it either “Dine-N-Dash” or “Dash Diner.” While they talk possible menu items, SCOTT. WALKS. IN! The air in the room grows stiff, because no one in that room was prepped for his arrival. In her confessional, Khloe says that she hasn’t seen him in months and Kourtney looks at this fool like, “what in the hell are you doing in my mama’s house?” Meanwhile, Scott thought he was going there just to speak with Kris and didn’t anticipate that everyone would be at home. But, because they’re all assembled, Scott decides that now is a great time to have a sit down with his owners. Kris’ and the girls’ restaurant plans that were surprisingly interrupted by Scott were filmed on September 3, 2015.

Scene 18: Filmed on September 3, 2015.

Scott sits alone in a chair facing Khloe, Kim, and Kourtney, who are on a couch, and Kris sits directly across from him. Scott also keeps his shades on in the event that he starts crying. Khloe tries to make fun of him for it, but player is on some serious ish right now and has no room for jokes. To begin, Scott tells his former family how hurt and jealous he was seeing his kids on vacation for the first time without him. He says he felt jealous and scared, which is why he acted out in Miami while they were in St. Barth’s. Elaborating, Scott tells them that this is tough terrain to tread because they are the only family he has, and when he slipped up, he lost them, which was again, scary. Khloe, who is basically the mouthpiece for her sisters during this meeting, tells Scott that he’s the one who decided to lose them as his family when he let his wild behavior take over. She also tells him that they tried to be there for him, but he ultimately rejected their efforts.

Scott understands where Khloe is coming from, but is sad because he thinks the family has just moved on without him now that he’s gone. He then apologizes for embarrassing and letting them down. Kris, who is the people’s MAMA, takes Scott to the altar and seats him at the foot of the cross as she talks to him through tears. Mama Kris tells this child of God that they can’t turn love off like a switch and her family will always love and care for him. Mama Kris continues to move the congregation and tells Scott that he could never embarrass them because his issues are above the perception of others. Well, JESUS!

At this point, the doors of the church are open, and everyone has teared up. Scott, who obviously wants to hobble the little strength I have left in my knees, confesses that if it weren’t for his kids, he would have killed himself by now. Ohhh, I need something and someone to lean on! Scott, honey!!! He also vows to try and win Kourtney back. After every one has spoken about and for her, Kourtney wraps up the conversation to tell Scott that she doesn’t just need someone she can be there for, but someone who is also there for her. Whew, LAWD!

Scott leaves, because he knows they are all busy, but get this y’all, as he exits Kris’ house. And get this, he doesn’t close the door all the way. Her door is still open for him! This is not the end! Won’t HE do it! *plays Katy Perry’s “By the Grace of God” and walks aimlessly into traffic* Like Scene 17, this was filmed on September 3, 2015.

Sadly, this meeting didn’t quite do the trick, because just 11 days later Scott had a very tough and problematic sit down with Kris, where she and Kourtney both knocked him down for being MIA.

Well, well, well! What a way to enter into the New Year! The drama is rising, and I can’t wait for next week’s KUWThat Jigglin’ Booty re-cap on #KUWTKE. #MermaidsAreReal

Mariah Smith is writer and comedic performer who keeps up with the Kardashians. For more Keeping Up With The Kontinuity Errors click here. You can follow her on Twitter@mRiah.

Images via E!

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