Keanu Reeves Shops at Whole Foods As Charity Gala He Was Supposed to 'Host' Rages On

By Joan Summers  |  October 30, 2019 | 2:37pm
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Keanu Reeves Shops at Whole Foods As Charity Gala He Was Supposed to 'Host' Rages On
Screenshot:Global Charity Initiative (Instagram)

Isn’t there a classic storyline in sitcoms where the nerd, who is throwing their first party, lies about the cool kids coming so their crush will roll through? (Or am I papering over my somewhat lacking knowledge of sitcoms with my own high school experiences?)

Regardless, the “Global Charity Initiative,” which is absolutely a real thing that takes real money from real human people, held a gala at the Beverly Hilton this week. The organization has a strange mission: “Eradicate poverty on a global scale by empowering people to change their lives, primarily by achieving a shift in mindset.” In layman terms: If you just shift your perspective, you won’t be poor anymore. (Huh, poor people have surely never that before.) The event was also supposed to have been hosted by Keanu Reeves—who had no idea, or didn’t care. Same, Keanu!

Page Six reports that tickets were sold to guests that advertised a special appearance from Twitter’s boyfriend, who was also set to be honored at the event. On social media with the “garbled” tagline: “Join some Hollywood finest actors like Chadwick Bosman [sic] and Keanu humble and lover humanity supporting GCI to eradicate poverty.”

Interestingly enough, Reeves spent his time in Whole Foods instead of the gala, with his rep confirming that “He knew nothing about the event and has no affiliation with this organization whatsoever. And they used his image without permission.”

Sources claim that Chadwick Boseman, who was also slated to attend, left after five minutes. His reasoning, from what little photographs exist of the night, could have been his brief conversation with charity head Gershom Sikaala. According to Page Six, the man is “a self-published author who claims he has an “honorary” doctorate from online seminary United Graduate College.” Sounds insufferable! But mostly, the fact that attendees could not smell this scam from a mile away proves, once again, that rich people deserve to have their money stolen from them! [Page Six]

Unfortunately, I’m running out of “Aunt Becky is going through a hard time” jokes, so let me cut through the extraneous nonsense today. People reports that the disgraced made-for-TV movie star is “about to break” after new charges were handed down by the prosecution on October 22. The surprise move from the federal government also contradicted sources close to Loughlin, who told TMZ she was likely to get a plea deal.

Per the outlet:

“The entire family is in chaos right now,” a Loughlin source tells PEOPLE. “They knew this was a possibility, but they thought perhaps it was just a bargaining tool from the prosecution. Now that the charges are official, they are realizing that there is no way to avoid a moderately long prison sentence, unless they are found not guilty in a trial.”

The source even makes the wild claim that Lori and Mossimo of the Target Mossimos “feel like this is David versus Goliath,” an odd assertion from a couple who spent $500,000 bypassing federal regulations to get what they wanted. If she didn’t think she was going to prison before, she definitely does now! [People]

It’s a Britney-gram, bitch!