Can Someone Please Tell Me if Aunt Becky is Going to Prison or Not?

Reports surfaced this morning that Aunt Becky, once known as Lori Loughlin, bearer of the crime hat, wife of Mossimo Giannulli of the Target Mossimos, is definitely not going to prison. It was good news for the embattled made-for-television movie actress, who’s spent the time since her indictment earlier this year languishing in her sprawling Bel Air mansion and creeping around Los Angeles yoga classes. In an exclusive report, TMZ claimed the actress “may not go to trial after all in her college admissions case,” because of Felicity Huffman’s “super light sentence.” Strangely, Page Six contradicted this with their own exclusive: Lori Loughlin has just been slapped with an additional bribery charge. Drama!

Sources who spoke with TMZ claimed the prosecutor’s motivations in pivoting to a plea after Lori rejected the one previously taken by Huffman, was that it might be an “embarrassment” if Loughlin received similar treatment as the other most famous college admissions offender. Imagine being so conceivably rich and famous that no matter how far you fall from grace, prosecutors would find it “embarrassing” for you to actually reckon with the crimes you committed? I don’t support jail, but that is not a privilege afforded to anyone who isn’t a Discount Clothing Magnate or Hallmark Movie Famous Actress!

Speculation in Page Six, in the wake of her additional charge, contradicts this narrative:

But the fact that the feds pushed for an additional rap — and a grand jury in Boston just delivered it to them — appears to indicate prosecutors’ attempts to heap on stiffer penalties for defendants choosing to continue to fight their cases instead of copping to plea deals, as several others already have.

So, can a lawyer please tell me if Aunt Becky going to prison or not? With Halloween approaching, I need to know if my costume should incorporate a tasteful Huffman-esque jumpsuit, or yoga pants and a crime visor.