Keanu Looks Hot!!!

Illustration for article titled Keanu Looks Hot!!!
Illustration: Joan Summers/Jezebel

Please stop what you’re doing. TMZ reports that this week, Keanu Reeves was photographed in Berlin with his Matrix 4 co-stars, as the set reopens and production begins yet again. Who cares! That’s not what I’m here to tell you about. The big news is: He looks hot as fuck! It’s just too bad I can’t afford the pictures.

Keanu Reeves is hot. Keanu Reeves has always been hot. Keanu Reeves will always be hot. But most specifically, Keanu Reeves is hot right now. That’s a big deal. Do you know how many un-hot guys there are trawling the streets of Hollywood? In a land of himbos and Timmys, Keanu Reeves endures. Thank god—he’s really hot!

Now, there are some other details to this story that are probably important. He was photographed wearing hiking books, which is hot. He wore a blazer over a t-shirt, which is not hot, but he did opt to not cuff his jeans, which is definitely hot. His also hot girlfriend, Alexandra Grant, is also in Berlin with him. Good! They look even more hot when standing next to each other. Keanu has also seen some relatively good press this week. In an interview with the U.K.’s Sunday Times, Winona Ryder said her favorite co-star refused to follow Francis Ford Coppola’s instructions that he verbally abuse her on set while filming 1992's Bram Stoker’s Dracula. “Francis was trying to get all of them to yell things that would make me cry, but Keanu wouldn’t.” Of course he wouldn’t, because it’s not hot to yell at women! Glad to know that Keanu understands this. (It’s because he’s hot.)

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In 1991 I sat virtually alone in a local theater at a showing of My Own Private Idaho. There were maybe 10 other people in the theater.

I left that theater convinced that both of them would win Oscars in their future, and that I was hopelessly in love with Keanu. You want hot Keanu? Watch that fucking movie.

The two of them together in basically every scene in that movie is electric. When I see “sad Keanu”, I always think he is channeling that time and what they both lost when River died.