Ke$ha: "I'm Not Just A Little Pop Moron"

She was on the cover of Billboard recently, and in the accompanying story, the reporter trumpets that she co-wrote every song on her album, Animal. The problem?

Her music is fucking terrible.

Pop music doesn’t have to be deep, but at its best, it’s catchy, emotional, sing-along fun. “I Want To Hold Your Hand” and “Raspberry Beret” are not complicated themes — but both capture the great vibe every classic pop song requires.

Ke$ha’s songs are depressingly soulless. Her “voice” sounds like it was produced by robots on a sped-up carnival ride, and the lyrics are even worse. “Just zip your lip like a padlock”? That doesn’t even make sense. The “Tik Tok” video — and lyrics — are about non-stop partying. Yet this is what she tells Billboard:

“Am I a party girl? I’m having a party in this weird office, hanging out with you, totally sober. If you mean ‘party girl’ like, at a club with a short skirt on with no underwear, then no. I’ve gotten drunk before but never gotten a DUI. I don’t go to clubs. I try not to let my vagina hang out. I don’t do drugs, but I think I’m a walking good time and I talk kind of funny, so people think I’m messed up all the time. I’m not.”

Ok, so you’re just faking it to look cool? Awesome. Oh. But the thing is, Ke$ha is smart. She is so super duper smart. See, she doesn’t think of herself as a rapper, but as a singer. Yet when her producers heard her joking around and rapping, they said, “Oh, my God, we need more songs like this.” So they made some. As her producer Dr. Luke puts it: “If you look at the iTunes charts, after [her album] came out, the tracks where she was rapping were the ones that were in the top 10.” Genius. Give the people what they want.

And Ke$ha is not just music-savvy: She got a 1500 on her SAT. And used to listen in on classes about the Cold War at Belmont College, just for fun. “I’m not trying to say I’m an expert on the Cold War,” she says. “If you grilled me on it, I’d sound like a retard. But I was interested. The point being, I’m not just a little pop moron.” Point taken. And the clever really shines through in this faux-swagger verse from “Blah Blah Blah”: I don’t really care where you live at/Just turn around boy and let me hit that/Don’t be a little bitch with your chit chat/Just show me where your dick’s at

Ke$ha: The Billboard Cover Story [Billboard]

Click to view