Katy Perry's Prank-Filled 'Birthday' Video Not Suitable for Children

Being a famous pop star must get boring sometimes. At least, that’s the feeling you get after watching Katy Perry’s video for “Birthday,” which she’s used as an opportunity to really pushed her acting skills to the brink by disguising herself as various birthday party entertainment professionals who end up ruining a few different parties.

First up: this song. “Birthday” is essentially about giving your partner the best sex of their life. Lyrics include: “So cover your eyes/I have a surprise/I hope you got a healthy appetite,” “If you want it all/You know that I’m the girl that you should call,” “Boy, when you’re with me/I’ll give you a taste,” “I’ll be your gift/Give you something good to celebrate,” “Pop your confetti/Pop your Pérignon/So hot and heavy/’Til dawn,” “You’re never gonna be unsatisfied,” “So let me get you in your birthday suit/It’s time to bring out the big balloons” etc etc etc until someone blows a load.

The video is also eight minutes long, which might make it more in keeping with a successful sexual experience than a three-and-a-half minute video, but as a viewing experience it’s definitely a slog to get through. The promo images are also very tongue-in-cheek.

Perry’s thing has always been about being sweet and sexy (see her tits shooting whipped cream as the prime example of this endeavor). It’s this line between playful and adult that has made her such a successful pop star: she’s able to sell records to little girls and appear in publications for adult women and men. Usually, however, Perry keeps those two parts of herself slightly more separate than in this video, which is set to these sexy lyrics but focuses on Perry’s mostly non-sexualized but still frightening attendance at two children’s parties and one bar mitzvah. There is also a party for a man turning 90, but as far as we see, he doesn’t get to enjoy actual Katy Perry – only the attendees at the Princess party get to meet the “real” Katy. The rest were presumably let in on the fun at some point, but there’s no payoff for the audience to witness.

Anyway, as Dodai wrote before, it’s cool that Katy’s actually doing shit in her videos but since there’s a very scary drunk clown in this video for “Birthday,” there’s no way I can call it a win. Here is the clown. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Some nice product placement.

A fake and bloody rat in the mouth caused one young boy to cry very hard.

Fake old Katy Perry had to be resuscitated after gyrating on an old man and taking off his prosthetic leg.

Sneaking a bite of challah.

This girl in the green dress is such a good dancer

I can authoritatively say that this is the worst song on this album no matter what Erin Gloria Ryan thinks, and now I have the screengrab to prove it.