Side-eye. It is truly the world's most perfect expression. It conveys that you have just about had enough of some bullshit but said bullshit isn't important enough to warrant anymore of your precious time or effort. It says "this bullshit is dumb, but it is also totally beneath me."
Side-eye was first invented by Sophia Loren in 1957. Since then, there are many who have made a grasp for the crown to be named the Queen of Side-Eye. For decades, this title was held by my mother. My mother's side-eye, most memorably used on March 18, 1987 when I told her my new boyfriend was dropping out of school to "be an artist," could send a man to his grave. She was famous for Church Side-Eye, too, which could be witnessed on any Sunday after mass whenever she was near our drunky neighbor telling the priest how "moved" he was by the lengthy sermon against drinking.
My mother held this title, revered by all side-eye disciples until she was usurped by Jessica Walters on Arrested Development. This side-eye is the stuff of legends. No one could come close to this side-eye for many years, at least while the show was on the air.
Be careful—if you stare too long at Walters' side-eye, you will start to worry that your shoes are clashing with your handbag.
Today we have the undisputed Queen of Side-Eye, Rihanna. She will likely hold this title until she dies. (My celebrity psychic vision tells me Rihanna will die at the age of 105, after she accidentally trips over a wayward thong bikini on her yacht, falling off the side of the boat with a cigar in one hand and a bottle of Vodka in the other.) Yes, there are many others who have mastered the art of dead perfect side-eye—Michelle Obama has First Lady side-eye locked down. I heard a rumor that side-eye from Anna Wintour once caused an aspiring model to quit her fashion dreams and move to Iowa to sell farm equipment. In recent years, Nicki Minaj has done some truly groundbreaking work with side-eye. It will be interesting to see where she goes with it.
But now we have a new contender for the crown. This one is actual true royalty (although she doesn't hold a title nearly as cool as "Queen of Side-Eye).
Behold the glorious side-eye of Kate Middleton:
Truly impressive work here. This is side-eye even my mother could be proud of.
Image via Getty; NY Daily News.