Side-eye. It is truly the world’s most perfect expression. It conveys that you have just about had enough of some bullshit but said bullshit isn’t important enough to warrant anymore of your precious time or effort. It says “this bullshit is dumb, but it is also totally beneath me.”
Side-eye was first invented by Sophia Loren in 1957. Since then, there are many who have made a grasp for the crown to be named the Queen of Side-Eye. For decades, this title was held by my mother. My mother’s side-eye, most memorably used on March 18, 1987 when I told her my new boyfriend was dropping out of school to “be an artist,” could send a man to his grave. She was famous for Church Side-Eye, too, which could be witnessed on any Sunday after mass whenever she was near our drunky neighbor telling the priest how “moved” he was by the lengthy sermon against drinking.
My mother held this title, revered by all side-eye disciples until she was usurped by Jessica Walters on Arrested Development. This side-eye is the stuff of legends. No one could come close to this side-eye for many years, at least while the show was on the air.
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