Brace yourselves for a spit take: North West's father Kanye hired a personal photographer to take thousands of photos a day for their own vanity. It's true.

Equally shocking: Some of these photos are staged. According to Us Weekly, the photographer traveled with Kim and Kanye on their recent jaunts through New York, London and Paris Fashion Week.

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A "source" who's really Kris Jenner talking into a voice modulator, tells Us Weekly:

"The photog takes thousands of shots a day, and Kanye pores [sic] over almost all of them. He'll point to a picture of himself standing on a desk and be like, 'This will go down in history.'"

...While the photographer masks his silent screams and nods in agreement. "Whatever, I'm getting paid for this," he mumbles. The next quote seems to further confirm that Kim is an action figure. The source says:

"Kanye will breeze into a store and immediately start pulling looks for Kim to try on. He likes to pose her after he's picked out her outfits. He gets completely in the zone."

I'm inclined to believe it.

Image via Getty, styled by Kanye West


Contact the author at clover@jezebel.com.