Justin Bieber's Cat's Escape Thwarted by Sandra Lee

Justin Bieber
Justin Bieber
Image: Getty

Everyone can rest easy now for Justin Bieber has been reunited with his cat Sushi after it survived what appears to be an extremely harrowing attempt to pull a reverse-Homeward Bound. Where Chance, Shadow, and Sassy overcame unforeseen dangers in their quest to reunite with their owners, fording a river and escaping from bears, it appears Sushi was doing quite the opposite, roughing it in the mountains of Beverly Hills only to have his shot at independence thwarted by celebrity chef Sandra Lee. Without Sally Field narrating Sushi’s thoughts, we may perhaps never know the truth, but I think the facts speak for themselves.

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Apparently Sushi, who went missing some three weeks ago, found himself in Lee’s backyard, ostensibly drawn in by the smell of a boxed cake mix Lee was whipping up and preparing to add chopped nuts to in an attempt to pass it off as (semi) homemade. “He was starving, cold, scared, exhausted and stuck with porcupine quills —-but he was happy and excited all at the same time,” Lee wrote on Instagram. Not to diminish Sushi’s experience but this is also how I would describe myself after making it through any week of the past three and a half years.

Eventually, Lee called the number that was listed on Sushi’s collar only to find that the bedraggled feline belonged to none other than Justin Bieber, who also took to Instagram to share the news of their reunion. “He looks extremely skinny and has a very sad miow, he is home now safe and sound! Thank you god for protecting him,” Bieber wrote. Thank you God indeed.

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And thus ended the adventures of Sushi, who to the condemnation of animal rights activists Bieber allegedly purchased from breeders to the tune of $35,000. For what it’s worth, the story sounds like it has all the trappings of a Lifetime Original Movie and personally, I’m ready to write the screenplay. A rich, wayward, kept boy in Beverly Hills trying to make it on his own only to find themselves unable to cut it, winding up in Sandra Lee’s backyard where she’s ready and waiting to nurse the lost boy back to health? We call that Homeward Unbound, Bitch, coming to your living room February, 2021. [Daily Mail]


Grimes is talking about what she eats in a day, and while I’d previously assumed I would have nothing in common with the “Violence” singer outside of wishing I too had a digital avatar I could send out to do things on my behalf, as it turns out we’ve got a lot more in common than I’d previously imagined.

For example, she loves butter and hotdogs, and as anyone who’s ever been with me at 2 am after a drag show and a couple of vodka sodas can attest, a hot dog is pretty much the way to my heart. For Grimes, the hot dog love is a bit suspect as she claims in this video with Harper’s Bazaar that she believes them to be a more vegan-friendly alternative to other meats, “I love hot dogs because they don’t kill cows for hot dogs, so you can eat hot dogs without guilt if you need meat but you still have vegan tendencies,” she said. I’m a little unclear on what exactly she thinks hot dogs are made out of that make them even remotely vegan-friendly but more importantly, I need someone to get her a Hebrew National stat.

She also talks about melting an entire stick of butter onto a plate and then rolling bread around in it, which to be honest also sounds like me at 2 am, but only if there are no hot dogs available.

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Our culinary similarities pretty much run in opposite directions from there though. She apparently eats caffeine cubes (?) in the morning instead of drinking coffee which sounds efficient but joyless, and then describes something she “cooks” called “sludge,” which I’m not going to describe to you for your own benefit. [Page Six]


Bad Bunny is taking a page out of the Jason Derulo playbook for self-promotion and encouraging you to stream his new album YHLQMDLG with this video he posted to his Instagram which, as it turns out, is the exact kind of encouragement I needed.

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  • A couple got engaged in front of Harry and Meghan which automatically guarantees a happy marriage right? [Us Weekly]
  • Kim Kardashian’s outfit cost more money than I made in my first two years of professional work [Page Six]
  • Fans are worried about Post Malone after show where it seems like fans should be worried about Post Malone [Page Six]
  • Evangeline Lilly was not doing well but now she is doing better? [Page Six]

freelance writer living in San Francisco. Please clap.

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DISCUSSION

TheNotoriousBialy

I love hot dogs because they don’t kill cows for hot dogs, so you can eat hot dogs without guilt if you need meat but you still have vegan tendencies

There is some logic to what I think she’s getting at (assuming she equates vegan tenancies with environmental vs. ethical or health concerns) but, yeah, that’s not how it works. Just because hot dogs are made from cow scraps and not steaks doesn’t mean they aren’t part of the economic model of raising the cow. It’s similar to the argument about leather being merely a byproduct of food. If the cow was only raised for the best edible parts, those edible parts would be more expensive and eventually there would be less demand. I straddle a vegetarian line where I very rarely purchase meat (nor have it purchased on my behalf) but I might eat what you make for dinner if you invite me over or what’s been purchased for an office pizza party rather than having it go to waste.

Also, you can’t talk about Sandra Lee without mentioning her on-air alcoholism. She had “cocktail time” no matter what she was “cooking.” Sushi just wanted to get buzzed.